Rollerblading through Suburbia

Hopefully this entry finds you enjoying what's left of Memorial Weekend 2010. If you've followed my previous blog entries or know me at all you'll know that this was Graduation weekend for Cecily. Although I was very nervous about the whole affair (mainly surrounding the family drama going on between my parents) everything worked out as well as possible. My parents worked things out amicably, they stayed away from each other and they had seperate graduation parties.

I took Friday-Sunday off from Bakers and then have Mondays off so it worked out nicely. My grandmother and Aunt came from Denver on Thursday and went to West Point to visit my Uncle and Cousins while they were out since my mom and Cecily were busy on Friday. I drove out then and met up with them. It was really nice, got to catch up with my cousins who I rarely see and then spent some time at the Farm which is full of...CATS! 12 kittens and 3 adult cats, needless to say...great success!
Although this neighborhood, with its midles of identical houses painted different colors maybe the future playground for a serial killer or other horror movie villan, the new sidewalks were fun and it was a blast to get out int he nice summer night!
We went into West Point, got some authentic Mexican food for lunch and then headed home to help put the finishing touches before the rest of our company arrived that evening. Saturday, the day of the ceremony, everyone was here. I was so happy that my family from Colorado came. We've done so much stuff with them over the years it just wouldn't have felt right without them. Graduation went well, the speakers were much better than mine (well we had one good one...), and then Cecily finally got her diploma after more than an hour of name reading. Cecily made the rounds all weekend to parties before hers on Saturday. Her party was wonderful, lots of friends and family came by. My mom and all of us worked so hard and it really showed when everything came together perfectly.

After the party we just kind of hung out, spent some time with my Colorado family before they headed out and then cleaned up.

Today, we went to my Dad's parents house for a graduation/memorial day celebration and then tomorrow begins the normal schedule. I go to the Attorney Generals office and then work the rest of the week.

Upcoming events include: My Grandma is staying until thursday so I'll hang out when them tomorrow and then Hebron with Brady on Thursday. Then next week is the great Nebraska Road Trip adventure... look for countless updates!

I got rollerblades tonight. Spent about 15 minutes breaking them in around my Dad's house...great success!

Graduation

Finally, the day is here. My sister's high school graduation day. Although there was never any question of her graduating, I guess it's still kind of symbolic: the end of the old and the beginning of the new.

What plans lie in store for her, have yet to be determined. Yet I feel as though she has a great opportunity handed to her and if she makes the most of it she will indeed be successful. Her plans, as of now, are to go to the University of South Dakota in the fall. USD is a legit school, cheaper for her to go to than UNL and a much better alternative than UNK or UNO. She wants to get away from all of her trashy high school friends and I totally understand. Going to school far away is so refreshing, it gives you a chance to start out new and a chance to leave needed baggage behind.

However, if she will be successful has yet to be seen. Although she has grown a lot in the last year, I still don't have full confidence in her ability to be successful. I feel guilty for saying it and I hope that things go okay. She truly is smart, but she lacks drive, direction and most importantly maturity in order to be successful. She's self-centered, impossible to live with, and has a checkerboard past.

We'll have to see. The actual ceremony is today, 4 PM and then the open house is tomorrow...

Nothing like spending 3 hours as more than 600 kids graduate. Am I complaining? No, they had to suffer through mine. Oh Millard North...

First Night of 4-Midnight Fun

Although it used to really bother me, working the evening shifts at Bakers do have its perks. I think the first time I was scheduled to "close' the store was back when I was a senior in high school, or should I say the summer after. Granted I was just a cashier and really didn't have to do anything it was kind of eerie. I had exclusively worked the day for 3 years before my first closing shift and seeing the store empty and darkened is truly creepy the first time out.

However now I could really care less. I get about 7 hours (although I'm scheduled until Midnight we're allowed to leave anytime after the till exchange at 11:20...and I have to clock out for a half an hour lunch) and I really don't have to do much. Sure it's really busy when I first get there which is nice, it makes the first half of the shift go by really fast. Then the rest of pretty much just behind the scenes, administrative kind of work. I clean, get things ready for the next day, restock all the registers with needed supplies (such as register tape, bags, pens, Bakers cards, etc.) and then overall just hang out.

Although I do prefer working day still because of the constant interaction with people that I'd have, the evening shifts still allow me to have a life during the day and then get a full shift in for the evening.

Things have been kind of bust recently, we're getting the house all ready for Cecily's upcoming graduation, next week is Hebron trip with Brady and then the week after is the Epic Nebraska road trip. I'm really pumped for everything going on and love it.

Unfortunately I didn't have any real exciting customers last night. I did get to work with some people that I usually don't work with and needless to say it was fun. It was fun to reminesce about the trashiness which Bakers is at times. For example, yesterday I got "written up" for missing work 3 times in the past 18 months (I called in sick twice last summer and once last Friday so that's a total of 3.) and then at the same time got a raise. Weird? Oh well...

Needless to say if you're bored come in and visit me tonight at Bakers. I'll be the one wearing the unflattering black on black uniform and vest that obnoxiously has "Customer Service 1st" embroidered on it...

Almost a week...

Remember when I said I was really bad at journaling? Well here's proof of that. It's been almost a week since my last posting and this new entry. I used to actually be pretty good at journaling...way back when I was in elementary school. Granted the journal entries were pretty stupid and usually consisted of things like "Today was fun" or "Bored all day" etc. but heck at least I did it! As time went on and I got busier with things journaling just kind of fell to the wayside. I used to try and motivate myself by buying expensive or cool looking journals to try and make writing in them enticing and granted I would start out strong and then kind of forget about them. I probably have like 5 expensive, journals with less than 5 entries in each...They all look cool and perhaps I could use them as decorations or something in Sudhir and I's apartment next year.

So, what have I been up to in the past week? Well, out of everything I've decided to stay in Nebraska for the summer. Financially it just worked out in my favor to just stick it out at home. Thankfully my internship and work will keep me very busy, seriously like working 50 hours a week (and only getting paid for half of it...). I'm exhausted almost all of the time, and surprisingly I enjoy it. Probably the only thing that I truly hate is Tuesday morning when I wake up at 5:30 and feel sick and tired. Weird I know, but I think the extreme lack of sleep just makes me nauseous. I'm a morning person and it only lasts for about 5 minutes and that's probably the only part of my busy life that I don't look forward to.

Baker's has been scheduling me with increased regularity in the evening shift spot, meaning 4-Midnight. I actually prefer that, I can go work out in the morning, get things done during the day and then head off to work in the evening. Although I'm scheduled until midnight my Supervisor told me I could leave after I do the till exchange at 11:20. Just in case I usually stay until at least 11:40. My eventual goal is to be home by midnight.

Things at home are going somewhat well, with the rush of the end of the school year already here things are busy and somewhat functional. Cecily's staying out of trouble for the most part, but she is still impossible to live with. We are just very different people, and thus we don't get along at all. We don't fight, I just try and avoid her as much as possible.

My Dad is another story, I'll post something on that later.

Anyway, it's late. I'm tired. I've started my first summer book read. After like 10 years of putting it off I'm finally reading "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". It's pretty good so far, and we'll see what happens after that. Other books I want to read are "The World is Flat", "Nickel and Dimed", perhaps a Twilight book, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", etc.

If you know of a good book let me know. I'm liking fiction at the moment but am a true die hard history reader. After all, I think I probably have the most extensive Ocean Liner book collection this side of the Mississippi...

Until later, have a good one.

Emo Post #2

So, hopefully by the title of this it can serve as a disclaimer. I'm tired and overworked and needless to say I'm not happy. (Although my cats are doing their best to try and mitigate that at the moment...)

Today begins my next work cycle at Bakers, I work 4-Midnight tonight, 4-10 tomorrow, and then 9-4 and finally end the week on Saturday with a 9-5:30 shift. Glorious. I love work but I hate being tired all the time because of it. Oh Bakers, if only you actually understood what availability sheets are for. You wouldn't have such a high turn over rate if you did...

Anyway, recently I've just been feeling very disconnected, syndicated, and forgotten about. Sure, I'm feeling sorry for myself and the logical side of me says that I need to just take some time to myself, get some sleep and it will be okay. It probably will but will that help me right now? I guess what I just need to come to terms with is the way that people just move on. I've always hated change and I guess that's something I need to work on. Sure, going to school for 9 months far away and coming home is hard. I guess what's making that worse at the moment is the way that those that I care about at home have forgotten about me and the relationships we once had. Sure, I don't expect them to be exactly the same when I come home, they have lives here just as I have life up there. But I guess it just is hard to see the way that people have turned out. People who once seemed above the trashiness of this state have succumbed to it. The shining stars have lots their sparkle amidst alcohol and partying...

And then there are some people who have not changed since high school... they go to school to UNL or UNO, spend all of their weekends at home and keep perpetuating the lifestyle that they had 2 or 3 years ago.

Coming home is always hard I guess when I see what's happened. The Nebraska that I've left isn't the one that I hope to return to. I guess I just feel isolated at the moment... forgotten by friends at home and far away. I try and stay connected but all of my efforts make me feel silly and foolish... like an annoying intruder, a gnat constantly buzzing around their faces.

So, I will be done for the moment. I'll focus on myself here and give myself the chance to mourn the loss of any connection that I have left in Nebraska. My nuclear family is dead and it appears as though my social circle is as well...

Don't get me wrong, I love coming home and visiting... it's just living here that's the hard part. Actually coming home and living is the hardest.

Monday Monday...

Well,
so here we are, the start of my second week of fun excitement and fun. Compared to last Monday things went much better. I didn't have the fierce out of control rain or lack of sleep before my internship, but now only after two days believe it or not things are starting to get settled in.

I helped with just kind of normal office related business today, got some projects finished that I had started lats week, photocopied, etc.
The days are long though, man these commutes are kind of rough. I get up at like 5:30, leave here by 6:30 and then don't get back home until nearly 11 hours later. Needless to say Monday and Tuesday are long days.

Baker's has given me a lot of hours which is nice but is also a mixed bag. I told them not to schedule me more than 25, I have 34 this week. Oh yeah, that's 34 hours over the course of 4 days. I basically live there which sucks. Come visit me.

It's bad, but I will have a nice paycheck next week!

Do I feel satisfied? Do I feel as though I am enjoying my work? Yes. At the moment I'm exhausted but I feel good.

What is frustrating, which I think goes hand in hand with being tired, is feeling disconnected. I've spent some time with my friends but that was a while ago. I honestly kind of just go to work and then come home. Then repeat. Sure, it's still the first part of summer and lots of people aren't home yet and I'm very busy. But it does get annoying. Additionally, I just feel so jaded with the lack of communication I've gotten from old friends from back here. I spent some time with one group of my friends and been totally shut out by others. Does it hurt? Sometimes, but not now since I'm so busy. If I wasn't preoccupied with how tired I am it would seriously bother me. But thankfully I'm busy so it really doesn't...yet.

Oh well, I'm busy. I've made the effort and if they don't want me in their life anymore that's just their loss. I guess what bothers me the most is being forgotten. Do I consider myself a needy person? Sometimes. I guess it just bothers me the way that I try and make an effort but it is not reciprocated. What's even worse is when for example someone texts me back or I facebook chat someone I feel as though I am simply that whiny, annoying next door neighbor who you just want to get out of your hair. You respond because you feel like you have to, not because you want to.

I'm tired, and like I said I believe this is nothing more than a side effect of that. I'll give myself a few moments to feel sorry for myself, fade into the darkness and write some emo poetry or something and then I'll get up, suit up and face the traffic again towards Lincoln...

Sunday

Alrighty,
So today was my first official day off this week. I wasn't scheuled at Bakers and I didn't have to run to the capitol or anything for an internship. It was kind of nice, something I could get used to.

The plans of the day were pretty already laid out. I slept in after working late, (waking up at like 730 after working until around midnight) laid around all morning watching various Sunday morning TV shows and then headed off to my Grandparents apartment by 10:45. Today we were heading out to my Uncle's farm to celebrate my cousin's 8th grade graduation and confirmation (they're Catholic so the two were lumped into one). My Uncle and his Family live about an hour from Omaha and originally our party would have consisted of myself, Cecily, my mom and Jim. However, sadly my Step-Grandmother was rushed to the emergency room yesterday evening with high blood pressure. They spent the good part of the evening there and soon they found that they were in need of a ride to West Point as well.

My mom's car was full so I was volunteered to drive them out. No big deal, they offered to let me simply just drive their car so there I was at 11, ready to take them. However, even this morning she was feeling under the weather, so I was surprised to see just my Grandfather there waiting. I pulled my car into his garage and we were on our way.

I haven't really spent much one on one time with my Granfather before and it was kind of nice. He likes to talk and listen to old music that I've never heard of (yodelling, and warbly gospel choirs) so I just sat and listened as he talked for most of the way there. The roads were fine and we were soon to the farm. Spent some time with the cousins and then soon we were once again back on the road heading home...

I remember last summer my mom threw a big party for my grandpa's 80th birthday. Seriously, like inviting people from all over to come out to her house. She stressed the importance to make the day special because he might not have another big birthday party again...

My Grandfather was never the nicest person to my mom and her family when they were younger and in many respects I can find parallels from his actions and behaviors in the way that my Dad acts now. Still though, I respect her and him and it was nice to spend the afternoon with him. I chose to savor the moment since something like this would most likely never happen again...


Tomorrow starts the internship all over again. I'm excited to see what this week will bring. Bakers overscheduled me again, try 4-Midnight two days in a row followed bvby two 9-5 shfits. Yeah, pretty brutal. I wrote a quick note to my supervisor, firstly thanking her for the hours but asking for the most 25 next time instead of 32. I'm pulling 10 hour days in Lincoln Monday and Tuesday so I'm pretty much spent come the end of the day...


Especially if I'm going to be going back up to Fargo early I want to savor this month and a half I have off back home. sure, it's hard being home but heck it's home and I want to actually relax before doing anything.