First of all, I hope that this posting finds you safe at home or some other location, off of the road and away from the snow, sleet, and ice that is making our Thanksgiving travel plans this year...interesting to say the least. I was blessed with clear roads and hope you were also.
I left campus after my 12:50-2:30 class, and it took me until 3:30 to be actually on the interstate. I didn't want to hit traffic and unfortunately I did, with it taking me nearly 45 minutes to move from 8th and 12th to I-29. Needless to say by the time I finally merged onto I-29 South my patience was running thin and I was shouting my fair share of obscenities.
As a neurotic person in general I knew that driving angry wasn't good and to lighten the mood instead of putting my book on CD in right away (stop laughing, if you had a 6 hour drive to yourself you'd find something to keep yourself entertained) I did my best to jam out to some of my iPod's extensive loud, angry middle-school era music.
After about roughly an hour of that I was felt as though I had had my fill of lame, punk rock music and switched from iPod back to the radio. As I did so I was suddenly aware that I was the only car on the interstate. Seriously, the only car.
I'm not going to say that I wasn't paying attention to the road as I was driving, I was just much more preoccupied shouting along to my music and not really concerned about my surroundings, other than following the road as it banked and curved on its way South.
I checked my mirrors probably three times, and as I was still in southern North Dakota the road was flat...making my visibility quite extensive. I checked everything again. Nothing, not even a lousy car pulled off on the shoulder, just the flat expanse of the Interstate.
It's kind of an eerie feeling, being all alone. I decided that right about now maybe it wasn't a good idea to listen to a dull book so I switched back to my iPod...but got no response. After trying all of the different buttons, nothing. My phone was dead too. Not literally, it was on but had no service. No bars, no roaming, no "Verizon Extended Network"... nothing.
I suddenly felt as though I was dreaming. You know that really weird feeling where nothing seems real. Like you had been in a deep sleep and suddenly awakened? I felt groggy and light-headed, the colors seemed cartoonish the whole experience like an imitation of reality. It didn't feel right. For example, I could see the tachometer on my car, see the needle rise and fall with the engine...but I didn't feel it. I turned and glanced and could see the dashboard, see my hand on the wheel, but it all felt too surreal.
This experience continued for approximately 4 minutes when suddenly a car whizzed by, passing me on the left side...jarring me back to reality. Funny thing was, I never saw the car coming and didn't hear it approach either. Naturally you'd think that I would have heard it or seen it approach in my mirror, but it wasn't.
It was as if I had passed into a different place, a mirror universe or something perhaps. It was crazy. What was even crazier was the car that passed me had Nebraska plates. A gold late-model Pontiac Bonneville with a "70 county" registry number (which interestingly enough is the ID number for Dakota county...)
Looking back, the whole experience most likely has a solid, logical answer. I was probably distracted, paying attention to something else rather than the road, which would explain my experience. Truthfully it has been a really long month/year. I've also been really preoccupied with large, abstract concepts as well. With the end of my Concordia career in sight I've been really evaluating lots of things in my life. Recent events have also prompted me to really think a lot about my mortality. Two kind of big things to grapple with, amidst existing and ongoing family drama mean I've been juggling for a long time. I'm pretty good but perhaps I dropped one of those flaming torches, thus resulting in my experience today.
Regardless of what it was, I'm glad it happened. Despite the fact that my reality seemed anything but that, I did feel alive though at the end of that experience, something that I'm thankful for more everyday.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Epic 21st Birthday Reflection
So,
In case you haven't heard or seen, I just turned 21 yesterday (Friday the 23rd). Although I have literally never drank before in my entire life (other than like communion) I was legitimately excited for the mayhem which would ensue. Originally, I really didn't expect to do anything big. I've never been a huge birthday party person, and plus I don't do anything crazy ever so I had no idea what I should do for my birthday. Also, I am not trashy so that threw out the "power hour"/party bus option right out the window. I wanted to remember my 21st, and make sure that it was memorable (other than waking up in prison, etc.)
So I decided that I would just plan to go somewhere that was both 21 above and under friendly for dinner and then go from there. After quick debating I settled on Old Chicago. I didn't want to go somewhere really trashy like BWW or AppleBees so I thought this was a good option.
Additionally, prior to the night of mayhem, Grant, Rachel, and Ryan all took time out of their busy schedules to come down and help me celebrate, something that I am eternally grateful for. On Thursday, they drove down that evening and after some minor setbacks (car trouble and roads randomly ending in South Dakota) they made it safe in sound in time for dinner. After dinner we visited Bakers and did a quick tour of Omaha, hit up Village Pointe for Ice Cream and the Apple Store and then caught the late showing of "Inception".
Friday, the day of my 21st, we hit up the zoo and despite the humidity we had a pretty good time. We then proceeded to Bakers where I made my first alcohol purchase of the day (a 22 ounce Bud Light Lime) and then headed back to my Mom's for a quick lunch and cake. After that we just hung out for a bit, and then loaded into Rachel's car and headed to Old Chicago. Shalee and Dan were already there and Stephanie caught up with us later on. We ordered and I got my first drink there, a Jack and Coke. It was pretty intense and set the bar pretty high for the evening (no pun intended). I then took a breather and got a strawberry margarita and finished the evening by downing half of a Long Island Ice Tea.
Did I get drunk? Maybe, I was definitely buzzed. Only for about 10 minutes though and then I just had the bloodshot eyes and red face for the rest of the evening. After Old Chicago we headed to my Moms for some hanging out and game playing where Austin, Jared and Jana, Laura, Erin and Nicole and Pete joined us to hang out.
All in all, it was a nice evening and a great way to begin the closing chapter for the summer.
Wow, I can't believe it. My summer of exile is nearing its close. Am I ready for school to start again? No. But I am ready to be out of Nebraska. I move in August 11th and then have nearly a month until classes actually start. This way I'll have a nice breather before classes and CHOIR begin!
In case you haven't heard or seen, I just turned 21 yesterday (Friday the 23rd). Although I have literally never drank before in my entire life (other than like communion) I was legitimately excited for the mayhem which would ensue. Originally, I really didn't expect to do anything big. I've never been a huge birthday party person, and plus I don't do anything crazy ever so I had no idea what I should do for my birthday. Also, I am not trashy so that threw out the "power hour"/party bus option right out the window. I wanted to remember my 21st, and make sure that it was memorable (other than waking up in prison, etc.)
So I decided that I would just plan to go somewhere that was both 21 above and under friendly for dinner and then go from there. After quick debating I settled on Old Chicago. I didn't want to go somewhere really trashy like BWW or AppleBees so I thought this was a good option.
Additionally, prior to the night of mayhem, Grant, Rachel, and Ryan all took time out of their busy schedules to come down and help me celebrate, something that I am eternally grateful for. On Thursday, they drove down that evening and after some minor setbacks (car trouble and roads randomly ending in South Dakota) they made it safe in sound in time for dinner. After dinner we visited Bakers and did a quick tour of Omaha, hit up Village Pointe for Ice Cream and the Apple Store and then caught the late showing of "Inception".
Friday, the day of my 21st, we hit up the zoo and despite the humidity we had a pretty good time. We then proceeded to Bakers where I made my first alcohol purchase of the day (a 22 ounce Bud Light Lime) and then headed back to my Mom's for a quick lunch and cake. After that we just hung out for a bit, and then loaded into Rachel's car and headed to Old Chicago. Shalee and Dan were already there and Stephanie caught up with us later on. We ordered and I got my first drink there, a Jack and Coke. It was pretty intense and set the bar pretty high for the evening (no pun intended). I then took a breather and got a strawberry margarita and finished the evening by downing half of a Long Island Ice Tea.
Did I get drunk? Maybe, I was definitely buzzed. Only for about 10 minutes though and then I just had the bloodshot eyes and red face for the rest of the evening. After Old Chicago we headed to my Moms for some hanging out and game playing where Austin, Jared and Jana, Laura, Erin and Nicole and Pete joined us to hang out.
All in all, it was a nice evening and a great way to begin the closing chapter for the summer.
Wow, I can't believe it. My summer of exile is nearing its close. Am I ready for school to start again? No. But I am ready to be out of Nebraska. I move in August 11th and then have nearly a month until classes actually start. This way I'll have a nice breather before classes and CHOIR begin!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Post-Trip to Moorhead Blog
In case you didn't know, this past Friday I drove up to Moorhead to visit Shane and those that are there for a quick release from my Nebraska life.
After working a 4-Midnight shift on Thursday, I let myself sleep in and didn't get on the road until a little after 10. Shane worked all day Friday so I thought it would just make sense to spend most of the day driving rather than getting there ridiculously early. I got to campus right around 4:30 (would have been there sooner but was delayed because of heavy road construction) and after some quick unpacking and relaxing met up with others for some p90x action. Following working out we got some dinner quick and then headed off to Bruno's for a bonfire and then hit up Hornbachers for some necessary supplies.
Saturday, slept in until 9:30!!! Woohoo! This somewhat unimportant event to most is monumental to me as usually "sleeping in" means getting up at 7 instead of 5:30. So it was certainly nice to get some sleep. After a quick breakfast we did some Ab ripper X, got lunch, and then headed to downtown Fargo and checked out a local car show and then a street fair. The weather was warm, but it was really nice considering that there wasn't any humidity. After the street fair we headed back to Shane's apartment, grabbed dinner at Panchero's and then met up with Jared at the Safari for "Get Him to the Greek". Although I hadn't seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", I needlessly had low expectations for the movie but was pleasantly surprised. Finally to round out the crazy busy day we met up with people at Sarah's apartment and played ridiculous games. Shane spelled Popsicle "popsickel"... needless to say he will never live it down.
Sunday, went to Church, relaxed most of the afternoon while Shane did room checks, walked around downtown Moorhead and then I grabbed dinner with Abby at Juano's before meeting back up with Shane and the Summer Programs staff at Reagan's beautiful townhouse for some Quelf! Ended the epic evening with some more P90X.
Needless to say I am probably leaving out a lot. It was a fabulous weekend and a great escape from the misery which is my home Lifetime movie homelife.
Whilst getting dinner with Abby at Juano's we decided that at the end of the summer I'm going to be writing a series of short stories and compiling them under the name "Exhiled: Learning to Live with Loss"... it's gonna be great!
Upcoming great events: this week Ryan, Grant, and Rachel are coming down for my 21st on Friday, the week after I'm headed to Colorado, and then it's my last week home!!!
Wow, summer has just flown by!
After working a 4-Midnight shift on Thursday, I let myself sleep in and didn't get on the road until a little after 10. Shane worked all day Friday so I thought it would just make sense to spend most of the day driving rather than getting there ridiculously early. I got to campus right around 4:30 (would have been there sooner but was delayed because of heavy road construction) and after some quick unpacking and relaxing met up with others for some p90x action. Following working out we got some dinner quick and then headed off to Bruno's for a bonfire and then hit up Hornbachers for some necessary supplies.
Saturday, slept in until 9:30!!! Woohoo! This somewhat unimportant event to most is monumental to me as usually "sleeping in" means getting up at 7 instead of 5:30. So it was certainly nice to get some sleep. After a quick breakfast we did some Ab ripper X, got lunch, and then headed to downtown Fargo and checked out a local car show and then a street fair. The weather was warm, but it was really nice considering that there wasn't any humidity. After the street fair we headed back to Shane's apartment, grabbed dinner at Panchero's and then met up with Jared at the Safari for "Get Him to the Greek". Although I hadn't seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", I needlessly had low expectations for the movie but was pleasantly surprised. Finally to round out the crazy busy day we met up with people at Sarah's apartment and played ridiculous games. Shane spelled Popsicle "popsickel"... needless to say he will never live it down.
Sunday, went to Church, relaxed most of the afternoon while Shane did room checks, walked around downtown Moorhead and then I grabbed dinner with Abby at Juano's before meeting back up with Shane and the Summer Programs staff at Reagan's beautiful townhouse for some Quelf! Ended the epic evening with some more P90X.
Needless to say I am probably leaving out a lot. It was a fabulous weekend and a great escape from the misery which is my home Lifetime movie homelife.
Whilst getting dinner with Abby at Juano's we decided that at the end of the summer I'm going to be writing a series of short stories and compiling them under the name "Exhiled: Learning to Live with Loss"... it's gonna be great!
Upcoming great events: this week Ryan, Grant, and Rachel are coming down for my 21st on Friday, the week after I'm headed to Colorado, and then it's my last week home!!!
Wow, summer has just flown by!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
It's not a summer at Bakers without a trip to the cooler...
So,
Looks like it's been more than two weeks since my last entry. That's pretty pathetic. Oh well, this entry should help to make up for my absence.
Today was super hot and super humid. Seriously. It was like 95 and with 80% humidity the heat index was in the triple digits. We weren't especially busy which was nice, but at the same time it wasn't since the first half of my shift just crawled by. We did a great job keeping most of the carts in, it was just too hot to have people getting lots of carts later on so I insisted that the baggers pull their best "used car salesman"to make sure that they went outside every time, regardless of whether or not the customer wanted help or not.
Additionally, I was informed when we got there that the weather was only going to get worse later on during the shift, mainly the hot, muggy day was going to produce nasty thunderstorms later on. By mid-afternoon, it was so hot that one of the condensers broke down, which meant that the huge cooler-display cases that the deli uses for all of the pre-made salads, etc. had to be taken out since they weren't getting cooled.
The heat kept most of the customers away, although we weren't dead we weren't busy by any means. I sent two people home early as the flow remained steady during our normal busy period from 5-7. However, the boring day was going to get really shaken up.
Right around 7:15, the sky turned black and it started pouring. I took my lunch right around 6 and watched the weather the entire time. The storm didn't look too bad during the news cast, we were in just a Severe Thunderstorm Warning which here in Nebraska is nothing to be afraid about. However, things went from bad to worse at 7. The rain came and the wind gusts increased to nearly 70 miles an hour. Suddenly, I heard the sirens...
Now at Bakers when the sirens go off, by law we have to stop everything immediately and go back to the dairy/produce cooler. Even if the transaction is almost done and we just need them to sign their check, we can't. The tills lock, and the registers go blank. We're done, no questions asked.
Customers are allowed to stay or come back with us and once we all got in to the cooler there were about 30 customers who had decided to stay with us and not brave the storm. We got some jackets for people to wear, it's not freezing in there but it's probably cold around 50ish degrees. If you're only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, it's frigid.
I've been back to the cooler several times in my 5 years at Bakers and honestly it's kind of fun and it never gets old. It's just not a summer home without a trip back there. This time though everyone remained pretty calm. We knew that there wouldn't be a tornado, they just blew the sirens because the winds were getting so out of control. We hunkered back down there for about half an hour and then we were free to go.
There were countless abandoned carts in the store, some filled with groceries. We pushed those back to the coolers, they'd be re-stocked later. And then it was back to business as usual..
Just a day in the life in Nebraska.
Looks like it's been more than two weeks since my last entry. That's pretty pathetic. Oh well, this entry should help to make up for my absence.
Today was super hot and super humid. Seriously. It was like 95 and with 80% humidity the heat index was in the triple digits. We weren't especially busy which was nice, but at the same time it wasn't since the first half of my shift just crawled by. We did a great job keeping most of the carts in, it was just too hot to have people getting lots of carts later on so I insisted that the baggers pull their best "used car salesman"to make sure that they went outside every time, regardless of whether or not the customer wanted help or not.
Additionally, I was informed when we got there that the weather was only going to get worse later on during the shift, mainly the hot, muggy day was going to produce nasty thunderstorms later on. By mid-afternoon, it was so hot that one of the condensers broke down, which meant that the huge cooler-display cases that the deli uses for all of the pre-made salads, etc. had to be taken out since they weren't getting cooled.
The heat kept most of the customers away, although we weren't dead we weren't busy by any means. I sent two people home early as the flow remained steady during our normal busy period from 5-7. However, the boring day was going to get really shaken up.
Right around 7:15, the sky turned black and it started pouring. I took my lunch right around 6 and watched the weather the entire time. The storm didn't look too bad during the news cast, we were in just a Severe Thunderstorm Warning which here in Nebraska is nothing to be afraid about. However, things went from bad to worse at 7. The rain came and the wind gusts increased to nearly 70 miles an hour. Suddenly, I heard the sirens...
Now at Bakers when the sirens go off, by law we have to stop everything immediately and go back to the dairy/produce cooler. Even if the transaction is almost done and we just need them to sign their check, we can't. The tills lock, and the registers go blank. We're done, no questions asked.
Customers are allowed to stay or come back with us and once we all got in to the cooler there were about 30 customers who had decided to stay with us and not brave the storm. We got some jackets for people to wear, it's not freezing in there but it's probably cold around 50ish degrees. If you're only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, it's frigid.
I've been back to the cooler several times in my 5 years at Bakers and honestly it's kind of fun and it never gets old. It's just not a summer home without a trip back there. This time though everyone remained pretty calm. We knew that there wouldn't be a tornado, they just blew the sirens because the winds were getting so out of control. We hunkered back down there for about half an hour and then we were free to go.
There were countless abandoned carts in the store, some filled with groceries. We pushed those back to the coolers, they'd be re-stocked later. And then it was back to business as usual..
Just a day in the life in Nebraska.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Almost the 4th!
This is crazy, the Fourth of July is this coming Sunday. Since when did this happen?
It's kind of nice, working as much as I do. The weeks just fly by, it's like I blink and it's already Wednesday and I'm slaving away at Bakers...again.
This year, my Aunt and Uncle from Colorado are coming to Nebraska for the fourth of july weekend. They used to live in Seward, NE America's fourth of July city. We always did a lot of stuff with them growing up so I am always excited when they come. Although they only will be here for a little bit, it's going to be truly epic. I am so pumped.
I work today at Bakers from 4-Midnight and then tomorrow I pull another eight hour shift almost right away...coming back again to work from 10-6:30. Then I close out the week on Friday with another 4-Midnight shift. I also work on Saturday.
Wow, I work too much. But it's the fourth this weekend, I'll get Monday off (the Capitol is closed the 5th) and before I know it it will be my 21st. Crazy. My last birthday of importance is so close I can almost taste it. After that...there's really nothing left to look forward to, perhaps old age I guess.
Side note, I've decided that elderly people should not be allowed to drive. I was almost hit twice today by elderly drivers just being crazy. One lady decided to drive in a nonexistent lane and then almost side-swipe me as she entered mine, and then an elderly woman completely blasted through the intersection at 156th and Pepperwood drive when the light was red for her. It had been for a while. I guess when you're old you kind of deserve to just make up your own traffic laws, especially when you're driving an old massive Buick...
It's kind of nice, working as much as I do. The weeks just fly by, it's like I blink and it's already Wednesday and I'm slaving away at Bakers...again.
This year, my Aunt and Uncle from Colorado are coming to Nebraska for the fourth of july weekend. They used to live in Seward, NE America's fourth of July city. We always did a lot of stuff with them growing up so I am always excited when they come. Although they only will be here for a little bit, it's going to be truly epic. I am so pumped.
I work today at Bakers from 4-Midnight and then tomorrow I pull another eight hour shift almost right away...coming back again to work from 10-6:30. Then I close out the week on Friday with another 4-Midnight shift. I also work on Saturday.
Wow, I work too much. But it's the fourth this weekend, I'll get Monday off (the Capitol is closed the 5th) and before I know it it will be my 21st. Crazy. My last birthday of importance is so close I can almost taste it. After that...there's really nothing left to look forward to, perhaps old age I guess.
Side note, I've decided that elderly people should not be allowed to drive. I was almost hit twice today by elderly drivers just being crazy. One lady decided to drive in a nonexistent lane and then almost side-swipe me as she entered mine, and then an elderly woman completely blasted through the intersection at 156th and Pepperwood drive when the light was red for her. It had been for a while. I guess when you're old you kind of deserve to just make up your own traffic laws, especially when you're driving an old massive Buick...
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Deep Thoughts Whilst Rollerblading
So, once again I had the opportunity to go rollerblading for an extended period of time. The weather was really nice, a great break from the 90s with humidity that we've been having a lot of. Although I know it's typical of Nebraska this time of the year the constant rain storms, heat and humidity are getting very old very fast.
I haven't rollerbladed in a while, about a week, so it was definitely nice to get out again. Since my Dad is out of town and I'm staying with my mom tonight I chose to rollerblade on the "West Papio Trail" close to her house. I drove for about 2 seconds (I probably could have rollerbladed to the trail, but I had no idea where the entrance other than the one that I drove to). and soon had the blades on and was on the trail.
I knew where this entrance was because around 10/12ish years ago my family used to go biking on this trail. We'd load up our bikes in the back of our old GMC pickup truck and ride around. The West Papio trail is close to my mom's house, a little bit farther West than my mom's house and runs perpendicular to West Dodge running North to South. It cuts through several of the wealthier neighborhoods in West Omaha. It was funny, as I rollerbladed through I could tell exactly where I was depending on the luxurious-ness of the homes on my left. The trail wasn't too full but it also wasn't empty. The weather was nice so a lot of people were out.
It was really relaxing and fun to get out there, I wish that every night could be this nice. Reflecting back on things as I bladed through West Omaha, I came to realize that summer was more than half over. After this week I have just over a month until I'll be done in Nebraska. I can hardly believe that May and June are already over!
I can remember my first week home like yesterday and how suffocating it was. I felt as though I was locked in a glass box screaming at the top of my lungs, with people just walking by. Granted my summer hasn't been ideal by any means but who's summer truly is? I've been keeping very busy, almost too much so. I'm exhausted all the time but I've accomplished a lot. The Attorney General's internship has been very interesting to say the least. Three of my articles have/will be published which is cool. I'm debating if I should get them framed/laminated or something.. ;)
Anyway, probably what I've been happy about the most is that things have been flying by. I've been trying to get bulletin boards done and then research for my paper and wow...it finally it hit. June is already almost gone. Seriously, this coming weekend is the 4th. In less than a month I'll be 21 and then just a little bit after that will be the end of this wretched summer...
My aunt and possibly cousins from Colorado are coming out for the 4th which is a definite plus. I'm so excited they're coming!
Tomorrow starts the daily grind again. My Dad's birthday is also tomorrow...
I haven't rollerbladed in a while, about a week, so it was definitely nice to get out again. Since my Dad is out of town and I'm staying with my mom tonight I chose to rollerblade on the "West Papio Trail" close to her house. I drove for about 2 seconds (I probably could have rollerbladed to the trail, but I had no idea where the entrance other than the one that I drove to). and soon had the blades on and was on the trail.
I knew where this entrance was because around 10/12ish years ago my family used to go biking on this trail. We'd load up our bikes in the back of our old GMC pickup truck and ride around. The West Papio trail is close to my mom's house, a little bit farther West than my mom's house and runs perpendicular to West Dodge running North to South. It cuts through several of the wealthier neighborhoods in West Omaha. It was funny, as I rollerbladed through I could tell exactly where I was depending on the luxurious-ness of the homes on my left. The trail wasn't too full but it also wasn't empty. The weather was nice so a lot of people were out.
It was really relaxing and fun to get out there, I wish that every night could be this nice. Reflecting back on things as I bladed through West Omaha, I came to realize that summer was more than half over. After this week I have just over a month until I'll be done in Nebraska. I can hardly believe that May and June are already over!
I can remember my first week home like yesterday and how suffocating it was. I felt as though I was locked in a glass box screaming at the top of my lungs, with people just walking by. Granted my summer hasn't been ideal by any means but who's summer truly is? I've been keeping very busy, almost too much so. I'm exhausted all the time but I've accomplished a lot. The Attorney General's internship has been very interesting to say the least. Three of my articles have/will be published which is cool. I'm debating if I should get them framed/laminated or something.. ;)
Anyway, probably what I've been happy about the most is that things have been flying by. I've been trying to get bulletin boards done and then research for my paper and wow...it finally it hit. June is already almost gone. Seriously, this coming weekend is the 4th. In less than a month I'll be 21 and then just a little bit after that will be the end of this wretched summer...
My aunt and possibly cousins from Colorado are coming out for the 4th which is a definite plus. I'm so excited they're coming!
Tomorrow starts the daily grind again. My Dad's birthday is also tomorrow...
Monday, June 21, 2010
A Running Theme
So I can remember when I first debated starting a blog I was afraid that it would turn into one of stereotypical whiny blogs that I hated. I think that the Internet has been one of the greatest advancements in technology, we're more connected than ever before...for better and for worse. At any moment we can know almost anything about anything thanks to the Internet's plethora of informational resources. We also have lost all sense of privacy, allowing us to strive for instant gratification by broadcasting ourselves for the whole world to see.
Anyway, needless to say one of my biggest fears would be that my blog would de-volve into an "emotional rant seeking fulfillment through others by constantly feeling sorry for oneself." Well unfortunately as I look over my recent entries it kind of has.
Now I am attempting to be as logical and objective as possible, and I can safely say that since my parents divorce my being at home simply becomes more and more unpleasant. If you've been keeping up at all, I'm sorry to bore you yet again with drama surrounding my father.
I shall attempt to relate the events of this evening. They really weren't too bad, but simply added to my overall dissatisfaction with my life.
A quick contextual reminder: last week (Sunday), my Dad flipped out at me at a restaurant because he stated I was "using him and never spent time with him". Well, that's blatantly wrong. I don't feel like rehashing the whole thing so please read the previous post or simply trust in the fact that I don't.
Well, tonight is one of the nights that I totally set aside to do things with my Dad. Granted my social life is pretty sad, but seriously I could be doing things with friends tonight if I really wanted to. But no, I always set aside Sundays and Mondays to spend time with my father. After a truly long day, (5:30 AM to 5) I made it home and was in an admittedly tired and somewhat grouchy mood. My Dad then proceeded to inform me that "hey I got tickets to go to the College world series (with his significant other) do you mind if I go?"
Of course I responded no. Did it hurt my feelings? Of course it did. I make an effort to be fair and diplomatic and go out of my way to spend time with him and he hypocritically slams the door in my face.
Anyway, so I kind of sulked the rest of the evening and at dinner my Dad brought it up. I told him, calmly and logically (I should get an award for keeping my composure) told him that my feelings were hurt for his hypocritical treatment of me and that I didn't understand his actions and frustrations.
Of course my Dad pouted back and couldn't handle a rational adult conversation. So I simply gave up. I can't decide what hurts more, the fact that my Dad couldn't understand why I was upset with him or the fact that he was uninterested in why I was upset. Both are daggers in my side.
Well so that's where we stand now. I've decided a long time ago that this would be my last time coming home, ever, and each time this old song and dance comes up it gets more and more frustrating.
Part of me wants to fade away into the wall, because that's what I feel like right now. My Dad treats me like garbage, like I'm nothing more than an annoyance, an obligation that he has to deal with. It frustrates me beyond belief.
Granted don't get me wrong I have many things to feel positive about. My summer hasn't been a complete disaster by any means. I have a job. Seriously, that's something to be thankful for right there. I get regularly scheduled and recently got a small raise. That's something to be thankful for right there.
Also, I have a fantastic internship. I work for the Attorney General for Nebraska, I get to deal with something I'm very interested in and get great real life experience. Although I don't get paid and have to commute there, several of the pieces I've written have gotten published with very few revisions. That's epic right there.
Oh well, it's time for me to smile, re-adjust things and try and get everything balanced again. I've mentioned this countless times, but my mom has always raised me as a "glass half full" person. I usually don't let things like this get to me, but it seems like for the past few months it's been harder for me to remain positive. It just seems like I just haven't been too happy with things going on in my life and with all of the drama surrounding my family has put on a strain that has been hard to bear. This "funk" that I'm in just isn't me. I don't like feeling miserable and depressed all the time. Perhaps I just need some time to get my optimistic self back. I'll keep you posted.
In the mean time, I hope that your summer is going well. If you get bored don't hesitate to call, text, come visit. Seriously.
Anyway, needless to say one of my biggest fears would be that my blog would de-volve into an "emotional rant seeking fulfillment through others by constantly feeling sorry for oneself." Well unfortunately as I look over my recent entries it kind of has.
Now I am attempting to be as logical and objective as possible, and I can safely say that since my parents divorce my being at home simply becomes more and more unpleasant. If you've been keeping up at all, I'm sorry to bore you yet again with drama surrounding my father.
I shall attempt to relate the events of this evening. They really weren't too bad, but simply added to my overall dissatisfaction with my life.
A quick contextual reminder: last week (Sunday), my Dad flipped out at me at a restaurant because he stated I was "using him and never spent time with him". Well, that's blatantly wrong. I don't feel like rehashing the whole thing so please read the previous post or simply trust in the fact that I don't.
Well, tonight is one of the nights that I totally set aside to do things with my Dad. Granted my social life is pretty sad, but seriously I could be doing things with friends tonight if I really wanted to. But no, I always set aside Sundays and Mondays to spend time with my father. After a truly long day, (5:30 AM to 5) I made it home and was in an admittedly tired and somewhat grouchy mood. My Dad then proceeded to inform me that "hey I got tickets to go to the College world series (with his significant other) do you mind if I go?"
Of course I responded no. Did it hurt my feelings? Of course it did. I make an effort to be fair and diplomatic and go out of my way to spend time with him and he hypocritically slams the door in my face.
Anyway, so I kind of sulked the rest of the evening and at dinner my Dad brought it up. I told him, calmly and logically (I should get an award for keeping my composure) told him that my feelings were hurt for his hypocritical treatment of me and that I didn't understand his actions and frustrations.
Of course my Dad pouted back and couldn't handle a rational adult conversation. So I simply gave up. I can't decide what hurts more, the fact that my Dad couldn't understand why I was upset with him or the fact that he was uninterested in why I was upset. Both are daggers in my side.
Well so that's where we stand now. I've decided a long time ago that this would be my last time coming home, ever, and each time this old song and dance comes up it gets more and more frustrating.
Part of me wants to fade away into the wall, because that's what I feel like right now. My Dad treats me like garbage, like I'm nothing more than an annoyance, an obligation that he has to deal with. It frustrates me beyond belief.
Granted don't get me wrong I have many things to feel positive about. My summer hasn't been a complete disaster by any means. I have a job. Seriously, that's something to be thankful for right there. I get regularly scheduled and recently got a small raise. That's something to be thankful for right there.
Also, I have a fantastic internship. I work for the Attorney General for Nebraska, I get to deal with something I'm very interested in and get great real life experience. Although I don't get paid and have to commute there, several of the pieces I've written have gotten published with very few revisions. That's epic right there.
Oh well, it's time for me to smile, re-adjust things and try and get everything balanced again. I've mentioned this countless times, but my mom has always raised me as a "glass half full" person. I usually don't let things like this get to me, but it seems like for the past few months it's been harder for me to remain positive. It just seems like I just haven't been too happy with things going on in my life and with all of the drama surrounding my family has put on a strain that has been hard to bear. This "funk" that I'm in just isn't me. I don't like feeling miserable and depressed all the time. Perhaps I just need some time to get my optimistic self back. I'll keep you posted.
In the mean time, I hope that your summer is going well. If you get bored don't hesitate to call, text, come visit. Seriously.
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