Emo Post #2

So, hopefully by the title of this it can serve as a disclaimer. I'm tired and overworked and needless to say I'm not happy. (Although my cats are doing their best to try and mitigate that at the moment...)

Today begins my next work cycle at Bakers, I work 4-Midnight tonight, 4-10 tomorrow, and then 9-4 and finally end the week on Saturday with a 9-5:30 shift. Glorious. I love work but I hate being tired all the time because of it. Oh Bakers, if only you actually understood what availability sheets are for. You wouldn't have such a high turn over rate if you did...

Anyway, recently I've just been feeling very disconnected, syndicated, and forgotten about. Sure, I'm feeling sorry for myself and the logical side of me says that I need to just take some time to myself, get some sleep and it will be okay. It probably will but will that help me right now? I guess what I just need to come to terms with is the way that people just move on. I've always hated change and I guess that's something I need to work on. Sure, going to school for 9 months far away and coming home is hard. I guess what's making that worse at the moment is the way that those that I care about at home have forgotten about me and the relationships we once had. Sure, I don't expect them to be exactly the same when I come home, they have lives here just as I have life up there. But I guess it just is hard to see the way that people have turned out. People who once seemed above the trashiness of this state have succumbed to it. The shining stars have lots their sparkle amidst alcohol and partying...

And then there are some people who have not changed since high school... they go to school to UNL or UNO, spend all of their weekends at home and keep perpetuating the lifestyle that they had 2 or 3 years ago.

Coming home is always hard I guess when I see what's happened. The Nebraska that I've left isn't the one that I hope to return to. I guess I just feel isolated at the moment... forgotten by friends at home and far away. I try and stay connected but all of my efforts make me feel silly and foolish... like an annoying intruder, a gnat constantly buzzing around their faces.

So, I will be done for the moment. I'll focus on myself here and give myself the chance to mourn the loss of any connection that I have left in Nebraska. My nuclear family is dead and it appears as though my social circle is as well...

Don't get me wrong, I love coming home and visiting... it's just living here that's the hard part. Actually coming home and living is the hardest.