Science Fiction is Real

First of all, I hope that this posting finds you safe at home or some other location, off of the road and away from the snow, sleet, and ice that is making our Thanksgiving travel plans this year...interesting to say the least. I was blessed with clear roads and hope you were also.

I left campus after my 12:50-2:30 class, and it took me until 3:30 to be actually on the interstate. I didn't want to hit traffic and unfortunately I did, with it taking me nearly 45 minutes to move from 8th and 12th to I-29. Needless to say by the time I finally merged onto I-29 South my patience was running thin and I was shouting my fair share of obscenities.

As a neurotic person in general I knew that driving angry wasn't good and to lighten the mood instead of putting my book on CD in right away (stop laughing, if you had a 6 hour drive to yourself you'd find something to keep yourself entertained) I did my best to jam out to some of my iPod's extensive loud, angry middle-school era music.

After about roughly an hour of that I was felt as though I had had my fill of lame, punk rock music and switched from iPod back to the radio. As I did so I was suddenly aware that I was the only car on the interstate. Seriously, the only car.

I'm not going to say that I wasn't paying attention to the road as I was driving, I was just much more preoccupied shouting along to my music and not really concerned about my surroundings, other than following the road as it banked and curved on its way South.

I checked my mirrors probably three times, and as I was still in southern North Dakota the road was flat...making my visibility quite extensive. I checked everything again. Nothing, not even a lousy car pulled off on the shoulder, just the flat expanse of the Interstate.

It's kind of an eerie feeling, being all alone. I decided that right about now maybe it wasn't a good idea to listen to a dull book so I switched back to my iPod...but got no response. After trying all of the different buttons, nothing. My phone was dead too. Not literally, it was on but had no service. No bars, no roaming, no "Verizon Extended Network"... nothing.

I suddenly felt as though I was dreaming. You know that really weird feeling where nothing seems real. Like you had been in a deep sleep and suddenly awakened? I felt groggy and light-headed, the colors seemed cartoonish the whole experience like an imitation of reality. It didn't feel right. For example, I could see the tachometer on my car, see the needle rise and fall with the engine...but I didn't feel it. I turned and glanced and could see the dashboard, see my hand on the wheel, but it all felt too surreal.

This experience continued for approximately 4 minutes when suddenly a car whizzed by, passing me on the left side...jarring me back to reality. Funny thing was, I never saw the car coming and didn't hear it approach either. Naturally you'd think that I would have heard it or seen it approach in my mirror, but it wasn't.

It was as if I had passed into a different place, a mirror universe or something perhaps. It was crazy. What was even crazier was the car that passed me had Nebraska plates. A gold late-model Pontiac Bonneville with a "70 county" registry number (which interestingly enough is the ID number for Dakota county...)



Looking back, the whole experience most likely has a solid, logical answer. I was probably distracted, paying attention to something else rather than the road, which would explain my experience. Truthfully it has been a really long month/year. I've also been really preoccupied with large, abstract concepts as well. With the end of my Concordia career in sight I've been really evaluating lots of things in my life. Recent events have also prompted me to really think a lot about my mortality. Two kind of big things to grapple with, amidst existing and ongoing family drama mean I've been juggling for a long time. I'm pretty good but perhaps I dropped one of those flaming torches, thus resulting in my experience today.

Regardless of what it was, I'm glad it happened. Despite the fact that my reality seemed anything but that, I did feel alive though at the end of that experience, something that I'm thankful for more everyday.

Epic 21st Birthday Reflection

So,
In case you haven't heard or seen, I just turned 21 yesterday (Friday the 23rd). Although I have literally never drank before in my entire life (other than like communion) I was legitimately excited for the mayhem which would ensue. Originally, I really didn't expect to do anything big. I've never been a huge birthday party person, and plus I don't do anything crazy ever so I had no idea what I should do for my birthday. Also, I am not trashy so that threw out the "power hour"/party bus option right out the window. I wanted to remember my 21st, and make sure that it was memorable (other than waking up in prison, etc.)

So I decided that I would just plan to go somewhere that was both 21 above and under friendly for dinner and then go from there. After quick debating I settled on Old Chicago. I didn't want to go somewhere really trashy like BWW or AppleBees so I thought this was a good option.

Additionally, prior to the night of mayhem, Grant, Rachel, and Ryan all took time out of their busy schedules to come down and help me celebrate, something that I am eternally grateful for. On Thursday, they drove down that evening and after some minor setbacks (car trouble and roads randomly ending in South Dakota) they made it safe in sound in time for dinner. After dinner we visited Bakers and did a quick tour of Omaha, hit up Village Pointe for Ice Cream and the Apple Store and then caught the late showing of "Inception".

Friday, the day of my 21st, we hit up the zoo and despite the humidity we had a pretty good time. We then proceeded to Bakers where I made my first alcohol purchase of the day (a 22 ounce Bud Light Lime) and then headed back to my Mom's for a quick lunch and cake. After that we just hung out for a bit, and then loaded into Rachel's car and headed to Old Chicago. Shalee and Dan were already there and Stephanie caught up with us later on. We ordered and I got my first drink there, a Jack and Coke. It was pretty intense and set the bar pretty high for the evening (no pun intended). I then took a breather and got a strawberry margarita and finished the evening by downing half of a Long Island Ice Tea.

Did I get drunk? Maybe, I was definitely buzzed. Only for about 10 minutes though and then I just had the bloodshot eyes and red face for the rest of the evening. After Old Chicago we headed to my Moms for some hanging out and game playing where Austin, Jared and Jana, Laura, Erin and Nicole and Pete joined us to hang out.

All in all, it was a nice evening and a great way to begin the closing chapter for the summer.

Wow, I can't believe it. My summer of exile is nearing its close. Am I ready for school to start again? No. But I am ready to be out of Nebraska. I move in August 11th and then have nearly a month until classes actually start. This way I'll have a nice breather before classes and CHOIR begin!

Post-Trip to Moorhead Blog

In case you didn't know, this past Friday I drove up to Moorhead to visit Shane and those that are there for a quick release from my Nebraska life.

After working a 4-Midnight shift on Thursday, I let myself sleep in and didn't get on the road until a little after 10. Shane worked all day Friday so I thought it would just make sense to spend most of the day driving rather than getting there ridiculously early. I got to campus right around 4:30 (would have been there sooner but was delayed because of heavy road construction) and after some quick unpacking and relaxing met up with others for some p90x action. Following working out we got some dinner quick and then headed off to Bruno's for a bonfire and then hit up Hornbachers for some necessary supplies.

Saturday, slept in until 9:30!!! Woohoo! This somewhat unimportant event to most is monumental to me as usually "sleeping in" means getting up at 7 instead of 5:30. So it was certainly nice to get some sleep. After a quick breakfast we did some Ab ripper X, got lunch, and then headed to downtown Fargo and checked out a local car show and then a street fair. The weather was warm, but it was really nice considering that there wasn't any humidity. After the street fair we headed back to Shane's apartment, grabbed dinner at Panchero's and then met up with Jared at the Safari for "Get Him to the Greek". Although I hadn't seen "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", I needlessly had low expectations for the movie but was pleasantly surprised. Finally to round out the crazy busy day we met up with people at Sarah's apartment and played ridiculous games. Shane spelled Popsicle "popsickel"... needless to say he will never live it down.

Sunday, went to Church, relaxed most of the afternoon while Shane did room checks, walked around downtown Moorhead and then I grabbed dinner with Abby at Juano's before meeting back up with Shane and the Summer Programs staff at Reagan's beautiful townhouse for some Quelf! Ended the epic evening with some more P90X.


Needless to say I am probably leaving out a lot. It was a fabulous weekend and a great escape from the misery which is my home Lifetime movie homelife.

Whilst getting dinner with Abby at Juano's we decided that at the end of the summer I'm going to be writing a series of short stories and compiling them under the name "Exhiled: Learning to Live with Loss"... it's gonna be great!


Upcoming great events: this week Ryan, Grant, and Rachel are coming down for my 21st on Friday, the week after I'm headed to Colorado, and then it's my last week home!!!

Wow, summer has just flown by!

It's not a summer at Bakers without a trip to the cooler...

So,
Looks like it's been more than two weeks since my last entry. That's pretty pathetic. Oh well, this entry should help to make up for my absence.

Today was super hot and super humid. Seriously. It was like 95 and with 80% humidity the heat index was in the triple digits. We weren't especially busy which was nice, but at the same time it wasn't since the first half of my shift just crawled by. We did a great job keeping most of the carts in, it was just too hot to have people getting lots of carts later on so I insisted that the baggers pull their best "used car salesman"to make sure that they went outside every time, regardless of whether or not the customer wanted help or not.

Additionally, I was informed when we got there that the weather was only going to get worse later on during the shift, mainly the hot, muggy day was going to produce nasty thunderstorms later on. By mid-afternoon, it was so hot that one of the condensers broke down, which meant that the huge cooler-display cases that the deli uses for all of the pre-made salads, etc. had to be taken out since they weren't getting cooled.

The heat kept most of the customers away, although we weren't dead we weren't busy by any means. I sent two people home early as the flow remained steady during our normal busy period from 5-7. However, the boring day was going to get really shaken up.

Right around 7:15, the sky turned black and it started pouring. I took my lunch right around 6 and watched the weather the entire time. The storm didn't look too bad during the news cast, we were in just a Severe Thunderstorm Warning which here in Nebraska is nothing to be afraid about. However, things went from bad to worse at 7. The rain came and the wind gusts increased to nearly 70 miles an hour. Suddenly, I heard the sirens...

Now at Bakers when the sirens go off, by law we have to stop everything immediately and go back to the dairy/produce cooler. Even if the transaction is almost done and we just need them to sign their check, we can't. The tills lock, and the registers go blank. We're done, no questions asked.

Customers are allowed to stay or come back with us and once we all got in to the cooler there were about 30 customers who had decided to stay with us and not brave the storm. We got some jackets for people to wear, it's not freezing in there but it's probably cold around 50ish degrees. If you're only wearing a t-shirt and shorts, it's frigid.

I've been back to the cooler several times in my 5 years at Bakers and honestly it's kind of fun and it never gets old. It's just not a summer home without a trip back there. This time though everyone remained pretty calm. We knew that there wouldn't be a tornado, they just blew the sirens because the winds were getting so out of control. We hunkered back down there for about half an hour and then we were free to go.

There were countless abandoned carts in the store, some filled with groceries. We pushed those back to the coolers, they'd be re-stocked later. And then it was back to business as usual..

Just a day in the life in Nebraska.

Almost the 4th!

This is crazy, the Fourth of July is this coming Sunday. Since when did this happen?
It's kind of nice, working as much as I do. The weeks just fly by, it's like I blink and it's already Wednesday and I'm slaving away at Bakers...again.
This year, my Aunt and Uncle from Colorado are coming to Nebraska for the fourth of july weekend. They used to live in Seward, NE America's fourth of July city. We always did a lot of stuff with them growing up so I am always excited when they come. Although they only will be here for a little bit, it's going to be truly epic. I am so pumped.

I work today at Bakers from 4-Midnight and then tomorrow I pull another eight hour shift almost right away...coming back again to work from 10-6:30. Then I close out the week on Friday with another 4-Midnight shift. I also work on Saturday.

Wow, I work too much. But it's the fourth this weekend, I'll get Monday off (the Capitol is closed the 5th) and before I know it it will be my 21st. Crazy. My last birthday of importance is so close I can almost taste it. After that...there's really nothing left to look forward to, perhaps old age I guess.

Side note, I've decided that elderly people should not be allowed to drive. I was almost hit twice today by elderly drivers just being crazy. One lady decided to drive in a nonexistent lane and then almost side-swipe me as she entered mine, and then an elderly woman completely blasted through the intersection at 156th and Pepperwood drive when the light was red for her. It had been for a while. I guess when you're old you kind of deserve to just make up your own traffic laws, especially when you're driving an old massive Buick...

Deep Thoughts Whilst Rollerblading

So, once again I had the opportunity to go rollerblading for an extended period of time. The weather was really nice, a great break from the 90s with humidity that we've been having a lot of. Although I know it's typical of Nebraska this time of the year the constant rain storms, heat and humidity are getting very old very fast.

I haven't rollerbladed in a while, about a week, so it was definitely nice to get out again. Since my Dad is out of town and I'm staying with my mom tonight I chose to rollerblade on the "West Papio Trail" close to her house. I drove for about 2 seconds (I probably could have rollerbladed to the trail, but I had no idea where the entrance other than the one that I drove to). and soon had the blades on and was on the trail.

I knew where this entrance was because around 10/12ish years ago my family used to go biking on this trail. We'd load up our bikes in the back of our old GMC pickup truck and ride around. The West Papio trail is close to my mom's house, a little bit farther West than my mom's house and runs perpendicular to West Dodge running North to South. It cuts through several of the wealthier neighborhoods in West Omaha. It was funny, as I rollerbladed through I could tell exactly where I was depending on the luxurious-ness of the homes on my left. The trail wasn't too full but it also wasn't empty. The weather was nice so a lot of people were out.

It was really relaxing and fun to get out there, I wish that every night could be this nice. Reflecting back on things as I bladed through West Omaha, I came to realize that summer was more than half over. After this week I have just over a month until I'll be done in Nebraska. I can hardly believe that May and June are already over!

I can remember my first week home like yesterday and how suffocating it was. I felt as though I was locked in a glass box screaming at the top of my lungs, with people just walking by. Granted my summer hasn't been ideal by any means but who's summer truly is? I've been keeping very busy, almost too much so. I'm exhausted all the time but I've accomplished a lot. The Attorney General's internship has been very interesting to say the least. Three of my articles have/will be published which is cool. I'm debating if I should get them framed/laminated or something.. ;)

Anyway, probably what I've been happy about the most is that things have been flying by. I've been trying to get bulletin boards done and then research for my paper and wow...it finally it hit. June is already almost gone. Seriously, this coming weekend is the 4th. In less than a month I'll be 21 and then just a little bit after that will be the end of this wretched summer...

My aunt and possibly cousins from Colorado are coming out for the 4th which is a definite plus. I'm so excited they're coming!

Tomorrow starts the daily grind again. My Dad's birthday is also tomorrow...

A Running Theme

So I can remember when I first debated starting a blog I was afraid that it would turn into one of stereotypical whiny blogs that I hated. I think that the Internet has been one of the greatest advancements in technology, we're more connected than ever before...for better and for worse. At any moment we can know almost anything about anything thanks to the Internet's plethora of informational resources. We also have lost all sense of privacy, allowing us to strive for instant gratification by broadcasting ourselves for the whole world to see.

Anyway, needless to say one of my biggest fears would be that my blog would de-volve into an "emotional rant seeking fulfillment through others by constantly feeling sorry for oneself." Well unfortunately as I look over my recent entries it kind of has.

Now I am attempting to be as logical and objective as possible, and I can safely say that since my parents divorce my being at home simply becomes more and more unpleasant. If you've been keeping up at all, I'm sorry to bore you yet again with drama surrounding my father.

I shall attempt to relate the events of this evening. They really weren't too bad, but simply added to my overall dissatisfaction with my life.

A quick contextual reminder: last week (Sunday), my Dad flipped out at me at a restaurant because he stated I was "using him and never spent time with him". Well, that's blatantly wrong. I don't feel like rehashing the whole thing so please read the previous post or simply trust in the fact that I don't.

Well, tonight is one of the nights that I totally set aside to do things with my Dad. Granted my social life is pretty sad, but seriously I could be doing things with friends tonight if I really wanted to. But no, I always set aside Sundays and Mondays to spend time with my father. After a truly long day, (5:30 AM to 5) I made it home and was in an admittedly tired and somewhat grouchy mood. My Dad then proceeded to inform me that "hey I got tickets to go to the College world series (with his significant other) do you mind if I go?"

Of course I responded no. Did it hurt my feelings? Of course it did. I make an effort to be fair and diplomatic and go out of my way to spend time with him and he hypocritically slams the door in my face.

Anyway, so I kind of sulked the rest of the evening and at dinner my Dad brought it up. I told him, calmly and logically (I should get an award for keeping my composure) told him that my feelings were hurt for his hypocritical treatment of me and that I didn't understand his actions and frustrations.

Of course my Dad pouted back and couldn't handle a rational adult conversation. So I simply gave up. I can't decide what hurts more, the fact that my Dad couldn't understand why I was upset with him or the fact that he was uninterested in why I was upset. Both are daggers in my side.

Well so that's where we stand now. I've decided a long time ago that this would be my last time coming home, ever, and each time this old song and dance comes up it gets more and more frustrating.

Part of me wants to fade away into the wall, because that's what I feel like right now. My Dad treats me like garbage, like I'm nothing more than an annoyance, an obligation that he has to deal with. It frustrates me beyond belief.

Granted don't get me wrong I have many things to feel positive about. My summer hasn't been a complete disaster by any means. I have a job. Seriously, that's something to be thankful for right there. I get regularly scheduled and recently got a small raise. That's something to be thankful for right there.

Also, I have a fantastic internship. I work for the Attorney General for Nebraska, I get to deal with something I'm very interested in and get great real life experience. Although I don't get paid and have to commute there, several of the pieces I've written have gotten published with very few revisions. That's epic right there.

Oh well, it's time for me to smile, re-adjust things and try and get everything balanced again. I've mentioned this countless times, but my mom has always raised me as a "glass half full" person. I usually don't let things like this get to me, but it seems like for the past few months it's been harder for me to remain positive. It just seems like I just haven't been too happy with things going on in my life and with all of the drama surrounding my family has put on a strain that has been hard to bear. This "funk" that I'm in just isn't me. I don't like feeling miserable and depressed all the time. Perhaps I just need some time to get my optimistic self back. I'll keep you posted.

In the mean time, I hope that your summer is going well. If you get bored don't hesitate to call, text, come visit. Seriously.

Back to the daily grind...

After my nice little break from the daily struggle I was brought back to reality today when work began. It actually wasn't too bad, I kind of just did odd jobs for the first two hours, spent a lot of time on google news reading about Argentina and their leader the intrepid, charismatic Cristina Kirchner.

After a quick, pow-wow all intern meeting at 10, I got into the thick of everything. A new issue had come up and I had to do a media release, draft a column, and finally do some talking points for the AG. I'm terrible at talking points, so it was like pulling teeth. You're probably asking yourself, really how hard is it to quickly spell out the gist of things for a speech. Well good for you, for me it is. my difficulty lies in the fact that everything seems important and so it's hard for me to cut stuff, it always has been.

It was an overall good day though. It was rainy this morning but the sun came out this afternoon and drove the rain and humidity away. Perhaps it was God's way of kind of giving us a sign, a way to show that despite our suffering at our most recent loss and the turbulence at home that things will get better in the end...

***

Although I'm 400 or so miles South, today my heart was up in Moorhead as well as the thousands of Cobbers across the world as we mourned the passing of President Jolicoeur. Work was kind of slow after lunch so I was able to tune in to most of the Memorial Service. It was truly moving. I guess as I'd mentioned previously, I simply could not allow myself to believe that this incredible individual was gone. Watching the service. hearing the words of her family and friends, truly made me appreciate how amazing she was.

I read somewhere once that people don't truly die. Sure, the flesh may grow tired and end, but as long as we remember the individual and celebrate them in our lives they live on with us forever.

I am excited for the legacy of President Jolicoeur. She has truly touched so many lives and given us so much. Although she is desperately missed, I celebrate her life and all of the greatness that she symbolized...

Reminders of why I hate my home life...

What was originally intended to be an epic recounting of my recent road trip adventure with Shane and Brittany will be sidetracked for the moment. Today was especially trying, so I will recount that here so I can get my thoughts out and finally get some sleep…

So, as it's Sunday I always have the day off. I decided to get caught up on lots of odd jobs, mainly laundry and also decided to work out. I went to Sports Authority to cash in my free $25 coupon (which I got when I bought my rollerblades a few weeks ago) and got a helmet. I then proceeded to my Dad's house. As it's my only day off until next Sunday, I asked my Dad if we could head over to the Verizon store and get everything figured out since I upgrade my phone next Friday.

We head over to the Verizon store, wait forever because everyone in Suburbia lives to go to the cell phone store and look at expensive shiny toys, get a phone picked out, and then head to another store because the first one sucked. After the second store, we proceeded to grab some dinner at Famous Dave's... this is where the drama begins.

As most of you know, my Dad has let me drive one of his two vehicles to Lincoln and back because he was concerned about me "racking up too many miles" on my car. This has never been an issue but I've just gone along with it.

However, my Dad brought it up tonight at dinner. He told me he felt as though I was simply using him and the only reason I stay with him is to use his car. This is totally not true. Additionally, he brought up the fact that he has to pay for a lot of stuff for me and he felt it wasn't fair.

Now, let me put this into context. My Dad loves to "buy my love", a game that I stopped playing a long time ago. Although I don't agree with my Dad on a lot of things nor respect him at times I do generally love him. He doesn't need to buy things for me. I'm not a materialistic person, and never have been.

Let me show you an example of this. For example, tonight at the Verizon store my Dad insisted that I get a Smartphone. Also, not just any Smartphone, the most expensive one. I had other plans, I simply wanted to upgrade to a free phone. I don't want a Smartphone and honestly wouldn't use all of its features. I don't like the way that our phones make us "over connected" already... that's another blog.

So, we ultimately settle on a "multi-media" phone, and long story short my refusal to go along with him saved him almost $720 over two years in the additional data charge.

Clearly, I don't use my Dad.


I guess what bothers me the most about this is the way that he was so accusing and so manipulative. His comments hurt really badly, so much so I was nearly in tears at the restaurant. I don't cry, ever. Seriously.

Like I've mentioned before, I don't agree with my Dad or really appreciate the things that he does, but deep down I care about him. Ever since last Thanksgiving when my parents' divorce really went sour I decided to walk the most neutral route that I could. I've always made sure that the actions I do are fair and equal between my parents. It's been hard and I've sacrificed a lot. That's something that I've prided myself on. To hear my Dad accuse me of using him and preferring my Mom over him hurt really bad...


This on top of the fact that I'm missing my friends up in Fargo just pushed me over the edge. You'd be proud. Did I shout at my father? No. Even though I wanted to. I told him how much it hurt me and I told him several things that are very true:
1. I told him how much I strive for neutrality
2. I reminded him that even though I would lose money I chose to stick it out in Nebraska this summer...meaning that I chose to stay to spend time with both him and my Mom.
3. Reminded him that there were many possibilities that would have kept me from coming home, we should make the best of things while they last...

Long story short, I'm driving my car to Lincoln now. No big deal, seriously. I never drive my car during the school year so if anything these miles are ones that I could be using up there.

Additionally: This will be my last summer at home. I am very much looking forward to when I can leave here...

Review of Epic 2010 Nebraska Road Trip

So,
the great 2010 Whirlwind tour of Nebraska is completed.

Here's a quick rundown of Shane, Brittany and I's events:

-Contextual Recap: On Tuesday I drove up to to Moorhead and hung out with Shane, he worked, I visited friends namely the amazing Sam, Blake and Abby. On Wednesday I went to rib-fest, saw a Redhawk's game with Carter, Jessamy, and Shane.

-Thursday: Shane and I met up with Brittany and we began our journey South to Nebraska. Arrived in the early afternoon, toured BoysTown and hung out.

Friday-Woke up early, went to the Zoo, shipped at Nobbie's where Brittany found some epic things for her floor next year, got some beverages at Sonic, loaded Shane up with some Applesauce and Almonds at Costco, and then saw the A-Team.

Saturday- headed downtown, got some epic spaghetti at Spaghetti Works, and then met up with Brady.

Wow, that was a lot in a very short amount of time. Crazy isn't it.

It was amazing, truly epic. I am in awe of it all, and am exhausted. Look for a more reflective and coherent post tomorrow!

Stuck in Syndication

In reference to the title of this post here's a quick contextual definition:

Back in the day, if a radio or TV program was syndicated it meant that it had no true network home, meaning that CBS/NBC/ABC didn't broadcast it. Sure, lots of former network shows were eventually sent to be syndicated as they could be shown on multiple networks (since they were free from a network title) but they always lacked some aspect of their original form. Syndicated shows were taped and then copies were sent across the nation and then "bicycled" from station to station...

I guess that's kind of how I feel at the moment, stuck in syndication. I feel as though I really don't have any true home "network" anymore. Sure, I have my family in Nebraska and in Colorado but as I've mentioned countless times in the past it's just not the same. I won't beat a dead horse so I'll move on.

Additionally, I've just felt like the "third wheel" no matter what I do. Whether it be at school, my job, or at home I just always feel like I'm getting the way by simply existing. I feel like a burden to be around and wish I could simply just fade into the background.

I guess I'm just feeling angsty or something, having a dramatic "Jan Brady" moment. I feel foolish, stupid, and annoying. When talking with friends I feel like an annoying younger sibling, constantly getting in the way.

I feel forgotten and out of place both at home and at school. It's so weird, this swirling mix of emotions right now. I'm usually pretty good at dealing with things but I'm not good with this.

Part of me just wants to pack up and move on to something new, bid adieu and move away. However, the logical side of me recognizes that such acts only work to cause someone to "run away from their problems" and doesn't result in anything positive in the long run.

Maybe all of this stems from my unhappiness at home, pent up anger towards my father, etc. There's got to be a source to this, and I will do my best to find it.

For the meantime, while I work to fix the cracks in my life, if I seem gloomy or out of place it's not your fault. I'm just being ridiculous as always. It will pass. I'm a disgustingly eternal optimist so I never let myself stay miserable for long. If anything this will give me something to keep myself occupied for a while.

As for recent developments, the passing of Pammy J is truly shocking. It doesn't even seem real right now, seriously I can't even fathom it at the moment. I'm almost frustrated with myself, it's like I can focus on other things going on but it's as if my mind simply doesn't register her death as even being a possibility. Perhaps it won't seem real until later... I know it will once school starts...

Wow, that's all I have to say. Dr. J you're leadership, fun personality, and smile will be desperately missed. No one will truly ever replace you in my book, they will simply succeed you. ..

One week out

Once again I'm having problems remaining consistent with this blog. I keep putting it off and off and here it's been almost a week since my last post. Kind of unacceptable that this is happening.

Oh well, I'll take it in stride. So, last week was interesting. I had memorial day off from the capitol, obviously, and spent some time with my Dad's family. My grandma was still here from Colorado and she stayed until Thursday so it was nice to see her for a while. I don't know if we're going to be able to get out to Colorado this summer so perhaps this might be all I see of my colorado relatives.

I worked Wednesday, closing of course, and then on Thursday headed to Hebron to pay a visit the World's Largest Porch Swing with Brady. The porch swing was albeit rusty and somewhat in disrepair, but it was a blast to see Brady and to spend some time visiting a random Nebraska landmark.

Nothing really new this week, just gearing up for the trip up north next week and then Pink Martini this afternoon with my grandma and Aunt.

Catch you on the flipside!

Rollerblading through Suburbia

Hopefully this entry finds you enjoying what's left of Memorial Weekend 2010. If you've followed my previous blog entries or know me at all you'll know that this was Graduation weekend for Cecily. Although I was very nervous about the whole affair (mainly surrounding the family drama going on between my parents) everything worked out as well as possible. My parents worked things out amicably, they stayed away from each other and they had seperate graduation parties.

I took Friday-Sunday off from Bakers and then have Mondays off so it worked out nicely. My grandmother and Aunt came from Denver on Thursday and went to West Point to visit my Uncle and Cousins while they were out since my mom and Cecily were busy on Friday. I drove out then and met up with them. It was really nice, got to catch up with my cousins who I rarely see and then spent some time at the Farm which is full of...CATS! 12 kittens and 3 adult cats, needless to say...great success!
Although this neighborhood, with its midles of identical houses painted different colors maybe the future playground for a serial killer or other horror movie villan, the new sidewalks were fun and it was a blast to get out int he nice summer night!
We went into West Point, got some authentic Mexican food for lunch and then headed home to help put the finishing touches before the rest of our company arrived that evening. Saturday, the day of the ceremony, everyone was here. I was so happy that my family from Colorado came. We've done so much stuff with them over the years it just wouldn't have felt right without them. Graduation went well, the speakers were much better than mine (well we had one good one...), and then Cecily finally got her diploma after more than an hour of name reading. Cecily made the rounds all weekend to parties before hers on Saturday. Her party was wonderful, lots of friends and family came by. My mom and all of us worked so hard and it really showed when everything came together perfectly.

After the party we just kind of hung out, spent some time with my Colorado family before they headed out and then cleaned up.

Today, we went to my Dad's parents house for a graduation/memorial day celebration and then tomorrow begins the normal schedule. I go to the Attorney Generals office and then work the rest of the week.

Upcoming events include: My Grandma is staying until thursday so I'll hang out when them tomorrow and then Hebron with Brady on Thursday. Then next week is the great Nebraska Road Trip adventure... look for countless updates!

I got rollerblades tonight. Spent about 15 minutes breaking them in around my Dad's house...great success!

Graduation

Finally, the day is here. My sister's high school graduation day. Although there was never any question of her graduating, I guess it's still kind of symbolic: the end of the old and the beginning of the new.

What plans lie in store for her, have yet to be determined. Yet I feel as though she has a great opportunity handed to her and if she makes the most of it she will indeed be successful. Her plans, as of now, are to go to the University of South Dakota in the fall. USD is a legit school, cheaper for her to go to than UNL and a much better alternative than UNK or UNO. She wants to get away from all of her trashy high school friends and I totally understand. Going to school far away is so refreshing, it gives you a chance to start out new and a chance to leave needed baggage behind.

However, if she will be successful has yet to be seen. Although she has grown a lot in the last year, I still don't have full confidence in her ability to be successful. I feel guilty for saying it and I hope that things go okay. She truly is smart, but she lacks drive, direction and most importantly maturity in order to be successful. She's self-centered, impossible to live with, and has a checkerboard past.

We'll have to see. The actual ceremony is today, 4 PM and then the open house is tomorrow...

Nothing like spending 3 hours as more than 600 kids graduate. Am I complaining? No, they had to suffer through mine. Oh Millard North...

First Night of 4-Midnight Fun

Although it used to really bother me, working the evening shifts at Bakers do have its perks. I think the first time I was scheduled to "close' the store was back when I was a senior in high school, or should I say the summer after. Granted I was just a cashier and really didn't have to do anything it was kind of eerie. I had exclusively worked the day for 3 years before my first closing shift and seeing the store empty and darkened is truly creepy the first time out.

However now I could really care less. I get about 7 hours (although I'm scheduled until Midnight we're allowed to leave anytime after the till exchange at 11:20...and I have to clock out for a half an hour lunch) and I really don't have to do much. Sure it's really busy when I first get there which is nice, it makes the first half of the shift go by really fast. Then the rest of pretty much just behind the scenes, administrative kind of work. I clean, get things ready for the next day, restock all the registers with needed supplies (such as register tape, bags, pens, Bakers cards, etc.) and then overall just hang out.

Although I do prefer working day still because of the constant interaction with people that I'd have, the evening shifts still allow me to have a life during the day and then get a full shift in for the evening.

Things have been kind of bust recently, we're getting the house all ready for Cecily's upcoming graduation, next week is Hebron trip with Brady and then the week after is the Epic Nebraska road trip. I'm really pumped for everything going on and love it.

Unfortunately I didn't have any real exciting customers last night. I did get to work with some people that I usually don't work with and needless to say it was fun. It was fun to reminesce about the trashiness which Bakers is at times. For example, yesterday I got "written up" for missing work 3 times in the past 18 months (I called in sick twice last summer and once last Friday so that's a total of 3.) and then at the same time got a raise. Weird? Oh well...

Needless to say if you're bored come in and visit me tonight at Bakers. I'll be the one wearing the unflattering black on black uniform and vest that obnoxiously has "Customer Service 1st" embroidered on it...

Almost a week...

Remember when I said I was really bad at journaling? Well here's proof of that. It's been almost a week since my last posting and this new entry. I used to actually be pretty good at journaling...way back when I was in elementary school. Granted the journal entries were pretty stupid and usually consisted of things like "Today was fun" or "Bored all day" etc. but heck at least I did it! As time went on and I got busier with things journaling just kind of fell to the wayside. I used to try and motivate myself by buying expensive or cool looking journals to try and make writing in them enticing and granted I would start out strong and then kind of forget about them. I probably have like 5 expensive, journals with less than 5 entries in each...They all look cool and perhaps I could use them as decorations or something in Sudhir and I's apartment next year.

So, what have I been up to in the past week? Well, out of everything I've decided to stay in Nebraska for the summer. Financially it just worked out in my favor to just stick it out at home. Thankfully my internship and work will keep me very busy, seriously like working 50 hours a week (and only getting paid for half of it...). I'm exhausted almost all of the time, and surprisingly I enjoy it. Probably the only thing that I truly hate is Tuesday morning when I wake up at 5:30 and feel sick and tired. Weird I know, but I think the extreme lack of sleep just makes me nauseous. I'm a morning person and it only lasts for about 5 minutes and that's probably the only part of my busy life that I don't look forward to.

Baker's has been scheduling me with increased regularity in the evening shift spot, meaning 4-Midnight. I actually prefer that, I can go work out in the morning, get things done during the day and then head off to work in the evening. Although I'm scheduled until midnight my Supervisor told me I could leave after I do the till exchange at 11:20. Just in case I usually stay until at least 11:40. My eventual goal is to be home by midnight.

Things at home are going somewhat well, with the rush of the end of the school year already here things are busy and somewhat functional. Cecily's staying out of trouble for the most part, but she is still impossible to live with. We are just very different people, and thus we don't get along at all. We don't fight, I just try and avoid her as much as possible.

My Dad is another story, I'll post something on that later.

Anyway, it's late. I'm tired. I've started my first summer book read. After like 10 years of putting it off I'm finally reading "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". It's pretty good so far, and we'll see what happens after that. Other books I want to read are "The World is Flat", "Nickel and Dimed", perhaps a Twilight book, "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", etc.

If you know of a good book let me know. I'm liking fiction at the moment but am a true die hard history reader. After all, I think I probably have the most extensive Ocean Liner book collection this side of the Mississippi...

Until later, have a good one.

Emo Post #2

So, hopefully by the title of this it can serve as a disclaimer. I'm tired and overworked and needless to say I'm not happy. (Although my cats are doing their best to try and mitigate that at the moment...)

Today begins my next work cycle at Bakers, I work 4-Midnight tonight, 4-10 tomorrow, and then 9-4 and finally end the week on Saturday with a 9-5:30 shift. Glorious. I love work but I hate being tired all the time because of it. Oh Bakers, if only you actually understood what availability sheets are for. You wouldn't have such a high turn over rate if you did...

Anyway, recently I've just been feeling very disconnected, syndicated, and forgotten about. Sure, I'm feeling sorry for myself and the logical side of me says that I need to just take some time to myself, get some sleep and it will be okay. It probably will but will that help me right now? I guess what I just need to come to terms with is the way that people just move on. I've always hated change and I guess that's something I need to work on. Sure, going to school for 9 months far away and coming home is hard. I guess what's making that worse at the moment is the way that those that I care about at home have forgotten about me and the relationships we once had. Sure, I don't expect them to be exactly the same when I come home, they have lives here just as I have life up there. But I guess it just is hard to see the way that people have turned out. People who once seemed above the trashiness of this state have succumbed to it. The shining stars have lots their sparkle amidst alcohol and partying...

And then there are some people who have not changed since high school... they go to school to UNL or UNO, spend all of their weekends at home and keep perpetuating the lifestyle that they had 2 or 3 years ago.

Coming home is always hard I guess when I see what's happened. The Nebraska that I've left isn't the one that I hope to return to. I guess I just feel isolated at the moment... forgotten by friends at home and far away. I try and stay connected but all of my efforts make me feel silly and foolish... like an annoying intruder, a gnat constantly buzzing around their faces.

So, I will be done for the moment. I'll focus on myself here and give myself the chance to mourn the loss of any connection that I have left in Nebraska. My nuclear family is dead and it appears as though my social circle is as well...

Don't get me wrong, I love coming home and visiting... it's just living here that's the hard part. Actually coming home and living is the hardest.

Monday Monday...

Well,
so here we are, the start of my second week of fun excitement and fun. Compared to last Monday things went much better. I didn't have the fierce out of control rain or lack of sleep before my internship, but now only after two days believe it or not things are starting to get settled in.

I helped with just kind of normal office related business today, got some projects finished that I had started lats week, photocopied, etc.
The days are long though, man these commutes are kind of rough. I get up at like 5:30, leave here by 6:30 and then don't get back home until nearly 11 hours later. Needless to say Monday and Tuesday are long days.

Baker's has given me a lot of hours which is nice but is also a mixed bag. I told them not to schedule me more than 25, I have 34 this week. Oh yeah, that's 34 hours over the course of 4 days. I basically live there which sucks. Come visit me.

It's bad, but I will have a nice paycheck next week!

Do I feel satisfied? Do I feel as though I am enjoying my work? Yes. At the moment I'm exhausted but I feel good.

What is frustrating, which I think goes hand in hand with being tired, is feeling disconnected. I've spent some time with my friends but that was a while ago. I honestly kind of just go to work and then come home. Then repeat. Sure, it's still the first part of summer and lots of people aren't home yet and I'm very busy. But it does get annoying. Additionally, I just feel so jaded with the lack of communication I've gotten from old friends from back here. I spent some time with one group of my friends and been totally shut out by others. Does it hurt? Sometimes, but not now since I'm so busy. If I wasn't preoccupied with how tired I am it would seriously bother me. But thankfully I'm busy so it really doesn't...yet.

Oh well, I'm busy. I've made the effort and if they don't want me in their life anymore that's just their loss. I guess what bothers me the most is being forgotten. Do I consider myself a needy person? Sometimes. I guess it just bothers me the way that I try and make an effort but it is not reciprocated. What's even worse is when for example someone texts me back or I facebook chat someone I feel as though I am simply that whiny, annoying next door neighbor who you just want to get out of your hair. You respond because you feel like you have to, not because you want to.

I'm tired, and like I said I believe this is nothing more than a side effect of that. I'll give myself a few moments to feel sorry for myself, fade into the darkness and write some emo poetry or something and then I'll get up, suit up and face the traffic again towards Lincoln...

Sunday

Alrighty,
So today was my first official day off this week. I wasn't scheuled at Bakers and I didn't have to run to the capitol or anything for an internship. It was kind of nice, something I could get used to.

The plans of the day were pretty already laid out. I slept in after working late, (waking up at like 730 after working until around midnight) laid around all morning watching various Sunday morning TV shows and then headed off to my Grandparents apartment by 10:45. Today we were heading out to my Uncle's farm to celebrate my cousin's 8th grade graduation and confirmation (they're Catholic so the two were lumped into one). My Uncle and his Family live about an hour from Omaha and originally our party would have consisted of myself, Cecily, my mom and Jim. However, sadly my Step-Grandmother was rushed to the emergency room yesterday evening with high blood pressure. They spent the good part of the evening there and soon they found that they were in need of a ride to West Point as well.

My mom's car was full so I was volunteered to drive them out. No big deal, they offered to let me simply just drive their car so there I was at 11, ready to take them. However, even this morning she was feeling under the weather, so I was surprised to see just my Grandfather there waiting. I pulled my car into his garage and we were on our way.

I haven't really spent much one on one time with my Granfather before and it was kind of nice. He likes to talk and listen to old music that I've never heard of (yodelling, and warbly gospel choirs) so I just sat and listened as he talked for most of the way there. The roads were fine and we were soon to the farm. Spent some time with the cousins and then soon we were once again back on the road heading home...

I remember last summer my mom threw a big party for my grandpa's 80th birthday. Seriously, like inviting people from all over to come out to her house. She stressed the importance to make the day special because he might not have another big birthday party again...

My Grandfather was never the nicest person to my mom and her family when they were younger and in many respects I can find parallels from his actions and behaviors in the way that my Dad acts now. Still though, I respect her and him and it was nice to spend the afternoon with him. I chose to savor the moment since something like this would most likely never happen again...


Tomorrow starts the internship all over again. I'm excited to see what this week will bring. Bakers overscheduled me again, try 4-Midnight two days in a row followed bvby two 9-5 shfits. Yeah, pretty brutal. I wrote a quick note to my supervisor, firstly thanking her for the hours but asking for the most 25 next time instead of 32. I'm pulling 10 hour days in Lincoln Monday and Tuesday so I'm pretty much spent come the end of the day...


Especially if I'm going to be going back up to Fargo early I want to savor this month and a half I have off back home. sure, it's hard being home but heck it's home and I want to actually relax before doing anything.

Friday!

So,

Today was nice for several reasons... Like pretty much everyone else I was in awe at how nice the weather really was outside today. After what has seemed like years of cold and rainy days, we had sun... and warm temperatures! It was so surreal. As I walked into work today I noticed countless people who I could tell had left work a little early. Their cars had their sunroofs open, the convertible tops and windows rolled all the way down, radios blaring.

After working so late last night I woke up pretty late... like 8:30. Went downstairs and started on laundry, did some general around the house work. Checked my email, facebook, the usual. Spent some time with the cats, walked Yogi and then made myself some lunch. Got my fill of trashy E! shows as well, including Keeping up the Kardashians, etc.

Did some P90X before finally showering and getting ready at like 11. It was glorious to just kind of lay around and do nothing. Two late night 8 hour shifts back to back are hard... and I get another one tomorrow.

Around 12:30ish I got a phone call... needless to say my "25%" of Japanese heritage was more than enough to get me the Multicultural Internship with the University of Minnesota Extension Service. It's paid and it's in Fargo. Two wins right there. Although I like spending time at home in the summer... it hurts a lot too. I could go into great detail about this here but I want to get some sleep tonight so I won't bore you with that. Suffice it to say that if everything works out I'll most likely end up in Fargo starting in Mid-June.

Headed off to work for my 2:3shift, I walked again as always. It's beautiful out, why waste gas when I can get some much needed exercise and Vitamin D.

The shift was nice, it was easy that's for sure. 2:30-7. Man this would be a walk in the park compared to the 8 and a half hour shifts I'd pulled recently. I worked several registers, hopping around each time someone went home... filling spots until the entire evening shift workers arrived at 4. We weren't too busy, and unfortunately didn't have any especially memorable customers. I did have several issues though with the registers. They're getting old and get confused and forget things a lot, like how to keep my screen lit so I know how many cucumbers I just charged you for, and credit card numbers...requiring customers to re-swipe their cards several times.

Baker's is both good and bad at times. They treat you like crap but I've worked there for so long now I pretty much know the store's policies like the back of my hand. It's nice to not have to constantly be asking people questions about things.

Lots of people were getting things for graduation parties, etc. I sold lots of beautiful fruit and vegetable trays, fancy cakes, and tons of hamburger buns and paper plates. It's that time of the year. I'm surprised that my mom hasn't already started stocking up. We're expecting a TON of people for Cecily's party. Good. She needs all of the support she can get right now...

Tomorrow's itinerary: Take my mom to run some errands (her car is in the shop), go to garage sales to get needed items for next year (regardless of when I head back to Fargo, I need kitchen items for my apartment, etc.), hopefully hit up the gym shortly after and then work from 4:30-Midnight. Joy of Joys I get to close again.

I have Sunday off. My mom, Jim, and I are going to West Point for my cousin's 8th grade graduation and confirmation party. They're Catholic so I hardly know half of what's going on. They live on a farm though, with lots of... (you guessed it) CATS! As a matter of fact we got our two little cats from my Uncle Brad's farm nearly 14 years ago. It'll be nice to have a day off and see some family. I think I'll tell Baker's I can't work on Sundays. I'm working almost 60 hours a week between my unpaid internship and working at Bakers. I'm tired...

Post 4-Midnight Bakers Shift

Alrighty,

So I just worked my first actual lane at Baker's for the summer. Before working tonight I caught up with two great high school friends. It was a blast... so much fun walking down memory lane!

Working 4-Midnight really isn't too bad, like most retail shifts it has its ups and downs. Firstly, you don't stand around at all when you first get there, unlike early shifts. I hate standing still and the nice thing is since you start at 4 it's pretty busy and it stays mostly busy until 9ish. However, right around there it drops off and you have nothing to do for 3 more hours. So, I clean, put things away that people decided that they didn't really want, clean again, read the tabloids, and then finally do a till exchange at 11:20 before reverting back to reading about "who's too fat", and "who's pissed off at who's about sleeping with who".

Pretty epic. Unfortunately, I didn't have any particularly interesting customers tonight. I did have one particularly irritating man who wrote a check out for the wrong amount and blamed me. No sir, the total was this and you wrote the check out for some random amount. Did I question you? No. Should I have? Probably, since most people don't write checks for $5.67 over the amount. Usually people do normal amounts like 10 or 20 dollars over. Not this dude. In my defense we were really busy and I thought maybe he just wanted some change to have for something later in the evening. My bad, but you should have taken the high road since at least I didn't mess up amount and over-bill you or something.

After working late shifts for about 2 years, I've found that people who come to the grocery store after 11 are either in and out and don't want to talk to you or are desperate for attention and will talk your ear off. I met a couple who are originally from fargo, both went to MSUM, and told me how cool it was that they met a Cobber so far south. I met a man who was visiting on business from Denver and we talked about how cool Denver is. Etc.

The shift kind of dragged at times but it wasn't too bad. I got my schedule for next week. Nearly 30 hours. Good but could be bad. I work 20 hours for free on Monday and Tuesday at the capitol and I'm exhausted. Perhaps I will cut back on hours at Bakers to keep myself from dying.

Midnight came eventually and I went upstairs, grabbed my crap and headed out. I walk to and from work to part one reduce my carbon foot print, part two additionally increase the amount of exercise I get in the day, and finally I walk to save money on gas. My mom's house is about 3 blocks from Bakers so it's not bad at all. However, walking home at Midnight is kind of creepy. I always walk with a purpose but I usually make sure to do so when I head home late. I also text someone randomly before I leave so that in the event I'm stabbed or something and when I don't respond to my phone at least someone knows that something's going down.

Walking past Bakers and through the strip mall to which it's attached was particularly depressing tonight. There are so few stores in the strip mall now, it's kind of sad. Hollywood Video is gone, a recent victim of "The Red Box", "Netflix" and poor management. Hallmark is also gone and so is the Tanning Salon, Blimpie's (a ghetto version of Subway for those of you not from Omaha), and the Travel Agency. The stalls they once occupied are still empty, nothing has filled them. As Omaha continues to move West it leaves behind in its wake these vast empty strip malls. Baker's is having financial difficulty and although I know it will never close I can imagine they are considering moving out to the "mystical West" where somehow there will be better business.

Sure, move West where all of the homes are exactly the same, neighborhoods sit partially completed with endless empty streets lined with streetlights, and lower retail taxes... Move there and once you've dried it up move West again....

Came home form Work and am now catching up on some Bravo. Send a thank you/ follow up email to the 4-H internship people. Keep your fingers crossed for me on this one. They haven't called back and said no yet so that's at least promising...

First Day Back at Bakers...

Wednesday, first day back at Bakers... the job that I've had for nearly 5 years. Sure, it's nice to have a job and everything but... working there for so long is emotionally deadening.

This morning I got up early, kind of just lounged around. It's been cold and rainy here all week so it was hard to get me motivated to get up and really do anything. Showered, got ready and then took Yogi for a quick walk... in between down pours. After that I headed over to get my haircut and then rushed home for the big event of the day... my phone interview with the University of Minnesota Extension service for a 4-H Internship for the summer in Fargo starting in June.

It was interesting... it turns out that "multicultural intern" doesn't mean like the Multicultural Department's Intern. Rather they were looking for someone of a truly "multicultural heritage." Interesting. Should they have said that on their job posting? Probably, or at least they should have clarified that from the get go. However, apparently my 25% japanese heritage was "multicultural enough" for me to continue the interview which after that first question lasted for almost half an hour. I think if they weren't interested they would have just said no and hung up. I'm banking on the fact that since they didn't advertise well that I'm one of their few legit candidates. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

After that, I hurried off to Bakers for my 2-10 shift. I worked U-Scan, AKA I stood at the "attendant station" pressing "OK" hundreds of thousands of times when people were too stupid to realize the reason the machine was freaking out was because their child was dancing on the bagging area... which has sensors in it to detect weighted items... oh fail.

It started out really, really boring. But as with everything soon time started flying by. It was kind of nice working there again but I am so over it. Sadly I have no funny customer stories to share... since I have no interaction with them other than "Would you mind picking up those apples and re-weighing them" or "I don't think it got your Baker's card..."

After work I just kind of hung out and caught up on my ridiculous TLC shows. Oh TLC, at one point you were "The Learning Channel" now it's more like "The Loser/Lame Channel". Part of me cried a little when I saw the official Discovery Channel promo for Sarah Palin's reality show. I also cried even more when I saw that "Kate Plus 8" is returning this summer...

Look for a better post tomorrow... I'm actually cashiering on a lane tomorrow from 4-Midnight so hopefully I have some ridiculous story to share.

It's raining again, possibly hailing somewhere nearby. Oh Nebraska... how I've missed your tornado filled summers.

Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday Update

Alright so Internship Day 2 went just as well as Day 1. Although I was exhausted from yesterday's 14 hour day I watched some Star Trek on SYFY with my Dad. His friend Marie came over and I watched some less than funny sitcoms on CBS before deciding to turn in very early... like 9. I was really tired, and was disappointed to find myself more exhausted when I woke up then when I had gone to bed... at 5:30.

There wasn't any torrential rain or heavy traffic to worry about this morning, so my commute was much smoother. I parked in the same area as I had yesterday and soon found myself back at my desk. Sadly, the Communication/PR member who I was paired with's mother in law died. So, I didn't really work on any true media materials today. Rather, I helped out with general office projects. As today was the mid-term elections, the office was abuzz with general election related activities. I labeled enveloped to be sent to all of the nearly 500 elected officials in Nebraska who were up for re-election/election (Interesting Fact: Nebraska has the highest number of elected officials in the country). I updated some media documents and finally helped get election funds information compiled.

Although the tasks may seem mundane it was actually really interesting. The day just flew by! Additionally, there were several tour groups of elementary school kids in the capitol today, and it was really fun to see their reactions to things. I remember when I first visited the capitol when in 4th grade. It was truly awe inspiring!

Nothing big on the agenda for this evening. Jesus must really be happy with me, SYFY has yet another Star Trek: TNG marathon on tonight. I should go buy a lottery ticket. Can this get any better?

Tomorrow's agenda is a little busy, haircut, phone interview for a fargo paid internship, and then work at Bakers from 2-10. Nothing like starting out my last season for Bakers with 8 hours at U-Scan... Perhaps my luck has truly run out.

Sunday! Mother's Day Sunday!

Apparently this didn't ever get posted. I could swore I blogged about mothers day, perhaps I did and it was lost to the internet.
Anyway, so here's a quick rundown.

Woke up early on Sunday, and took my mom to probably her favorite restaurant, Wheatfields. We had nice breakfast and conversation and got there not too early but also not too late. By the time we left it was essentially a madhouse.
No, Cecily did not join us. As I had mentioned, Saturday was prom so needless to say she was not...up for going to Breakfast at 8. Ironically, one of the people who went with her group apparently was, we saw them as we left...

The rest of the day was spent just lounging around again. I packed my things for my two night stay at my Dad's, watched some TCM/AMC with my mom... I think we watched part of the original 1978 Superman and some Betty Davis movie. It was nice just relaxing there. The cats were also in good form, providing nice company on what could have been a less then desirable mother's day.

Around 2 my mom called Cecily to try and figure out what her plans were, let's just say Cecily responded in a less then Mother's-Day manner. I was happily distracted by the brewing storm at 4 as I left to go meet Brady at Brewburger's for dinner on his way back North.

Our experience was... interesting. Brewburger's is always fun and we didn't have to wait which was nice. The server appeared to either be under the influence of something or just plain odd. It was nice to get out and spend time with someone who isn't my family!

Spend Sunday Night at my Dad's, we watched Star Trek: First Contact, and went to bed early in anticipation for my early Monday morning.


Wow that was quick. There was much more hilarity in the original post, but this will have to suffice. Happy Tuesday!

First Day of Internship Extravaganza

So,
In case you didn't know today I started my internship with the Nebraska Attorney General's office. Let's just say... GREAT SUCCESS!

At first, I will admit I really wasn't looking forward to this. I got up at 5:30, which believe it or not is early even for me. I showered and was fighting traffic in torential rain and heavy traffic in road construction by 6:30. I rolled into the fair city of Lincoln by 7:40 and had secured safe, and legal parking by 7:45. Unsure that my parking space was legit (The AGO had warned me of "hidden" no parking or 2 hour parking signs), I waited until 7:50 for another car to park by me before I actually headed into the capitol.

It was much emptier and quieter than I had ever remembered, making it's gothic Art Deco architecture somewhat meanacing. I stowed my umbrella, and was soon on my way up to the office...

I had suited up as always, and was prepared for a less than favorable welcome. Afterall it was Monday, it was very early, and it's Mid-Term election time. What I got was sometihng totally different! The office staff was SO friendly, warm and welcoming. Although I didn't meet the Attorney General himself, I met almost all of his support staff including his Chief of Staff and several of his Office Managers. Pretty cool...

After a brief tour of their small office, one of the Office Workers sat me down at what I would soon discover was my desk. No not a desk that I would share with other interns throughout the week, rather it was actually my desk. I had a computer, a direct line (with voicemail!), my own email account and most important a space to actually call my own. It felt so cool!

Throughout the morning I was exposed to lots of general office proceedures, what would and would not be accepted of me, etc. After about an hour of getting settled I was pretty much turned loose and thrown into the thick of it.

As the Attorney General's Media Intern, I worked almost exclusively with his Chief Communication and PR officer. For my first assignment I expected to make photocopies, wash cars, or fill coffee mugs. Boy was I wrong.

The Communication/PR Officer sat me down and gave me an assignment. In case you're unaware, this is National Law Enforcement Officer Appreciation Week. The Nebraska Attorney General loves the police. So guess what I had to do? No, not sign cards for him... I actually wrote a column for him. Wait, I should rephrase that. I wrote AS the attorney general in the column.

"Just you know the basics, 250-300 words. Talk about their sacrifice, long hours, crappy pay... ther are writing samples in the databank if you want to look over." That was it. My instrucitons.

Needless to say I am so glad that I had those writing intensive classes at Concordia. I was pretty much shaking in my boots as I wrote my first couple of drafts and I'll admit they were pretty awful. I was overthinking everything and left out key details... like the fact that this was police officer appreciaton week. But 5 drafts later and I was done! Wow, so cool. So this week if you get a Nebraska paper, look through it and see if his column gets run. Although my final draft might just be a starting point... there's a good chance my actual column will be run!

After that it was time for lunch, I checked the car for parking tickets (found none), and then resumed my work that afternoon. I was tasked with updating a running document on all of the AG's press releases and made some photocopies.

By 4:30 I was out the door... I am so excited to go back tomorrow!

I hope your summer plans are going well. It looks as though at least one half of my summer plans are... let's hope the rest do.

Pre-Mothers Day Saturday Spectacular

Unlike others, Omaha I think was spared the brunt of this brutal cold spell that most of the midwest has been suffering from. It was quite entertaining actually to go through the Facebook news feed and see people freaking out about the possibility for snow in May. Although it did get pretty cold here, we didn't have the snow. That is something I am willing to live with.

My Saturday was quite, once again, uneventful. Spent some time cleaning out my room and did some P90x but other than that nothing but yet another lazy day. Free time is still abundant but I am better at finding ways of remedying it. The cats were very vocal today which was kind of surprising I guess. Joe, my cat, especially wanted to be held a lot. She was walking around the upstairs practically yowling at us to "follow her around" and then pet her. She is so dramatic loves being the center of attention... I wonder where she gets it from.

Closed out the Saturday by making last minute plans to see Iron Man 2 with my Dad. Tonight was Prom night for my Alma Matter, or former high school I guess so I decided to avoid any restaurants. It's really late, usually it's like the last week in April. Sure it's been shifted only a week or so later, but it feel so late. Believe it or not there are some Nebraska high schools that actually have allowed their seniors to be done already. My cousin graduated I think Mother's day weekend or the Thursday after. Crazy, I didn't graduate until May 31st...

Anyway, I have mixed emotions about the whole Prom experience. I went my sophomore year and had a somewhat fun time, refused to go my junior year (due to circumstances that could fill an entire blog entry on their own) and then was drafted to go my senior year as I was up for Prom royalty. The month of April was really awful for me senior year and it culminated with my Dad moving out signaling the end of my parents 25 years of marriage.

I love getting dressed up and went with a big group of my closest friends. My date was a blast and no lie I was actually pretty pumped to go to prom. I mean seriously, who doesn't like getting dressed up? So, the actual dance aspect of Prom went well and toward the end of the evening it came time for them to announce who won what for royalty. Naturally, I expected nothing. I mean seriously. It's a popularity contest. I'm loud and outgoing, but I by no means expected anything. I was in Speech, Orchestra, and Choir. Three strikes against me at my high school. To announce the candidates for the "court" they called us up in groups and I just smiled.

Now sadly, like many other large suburban high schools, prom isn't what it used to be. It's not the nice, clean and fun version that smaller town schools enjoy. No. Mine was dominated by a majority of wealthy drunk kids grinding and vomiting all over each other. They had rolled up in their slick black Escalade limos and party buses and clearly had already partaken in lots of fun before the night had even begun. Where am I going with this you may ask? Simply setting the atmosphere.

So, as names were called for 3rd, and 2nd place (Prince and Princess, Duke and Duchess... something like that...) I was content with just standing up there in the back. And then the unthinkable happened. No, I didn't trip and fall. No, my tie wasn't untied or anything like that. Instead, they called my name. No, not as just "our other members of the Royal Court" (AKA... losers). No, I was Prom King. Haley, a fellow musician and academic, was Queen. The impossible had happened... and for about 3 seconds it felt so magical.

It was like the Disney movie ending to my awful April. Lots of my friends cheered and waved... it seemed so unreal.

And it kind of was. Within seconds, those who had obviously also agreed with me in thinking I had no chance in hell to win started booing. Their voices only got louder... and their shouts and frustrations boiled over. Someone shoved somebody else and soon a massive wall of people were charging the stage. I barely got my crown, they pretty much threw Haley her's. I think the yearbook photo shows Haley "dropping it". No she didn't drop it, she was trying to catch it.

My mom, who was trying to take pictures, was shoved over to the side and practically knocked over. My Dad couldn't even see me.

Once the smoke and vomit had cleared, some photos were taken. It still felt somewhat magical, but the allure had worn off. I still don't know what was worse, being booed or agreeing with those that were booing...

Anyway, went and saw Iron Man 2. I thought it was decent but wasn't as good as the first. My Dad ended up leaving like 15 minutes early (ask me to explain this... I'll try). I sat it out by myself. I've seen movies by myself before, believe you me the "walk of shame" out of the theatre obviously alone is not fun.

Tomorrow is Sunday. One more day until his majesty!

Happy Mothers Day!

Friday Night Rantings

So, I've finally decided to succumb to it and just do it... no not partake in any illegal activity like downloading movies onto my laptop or recreational drugs. No, start a blog.

Blogs, like many other things,I used to swear I'd never start doing, like texting and talking on my cell phone while driving, have finally allured me to their benefits. Perhaps it's my sudden abunance of free time and wave of feeling sorry for myself, but I think like many things are a good emotional catharsis.

Additionally, I agree with one of my friends who is blogging to regularly write over the summer. As a result of going to a private, liberal arts institution, writing is a vital staple to almost every class I've taken. Last summer I don't think I ever actuall "wrote" once. When I mean write I don't mean sending text messages or emails to friends, rather when I mean "write" I mean actually sitting down and attempting to flesh out my ideas on a particular issue. It's something that I think is a good skill to keep up and I don't want to get rusty over the summer. So, the second reason I've decided to do this.

The personal validation is also nice, to know that other people than myself will read this. If anything that is the thing that I probably dislike the most about our "over-connected" me-centered society. I'm the star and I want you to listen to me. Although I hate it, I have to admit it's something to look forward to from this I guess...


So, what have I been up to recently you may ask? Well to be honest not much. I drove home from school on Tuesday and have been afflicted with an over-abundance of free time, so much so I'm probably going crazy. It's so hard to go from being surrounded by close friends and being so busy you can't sit down to suddenly having an empty house and a blank schedule staring you straight in the face. (If I'm having trouble with this, I'd hate to try and stop smoking...)

It's my own fault I suppose. I gave myself about a week off between coming home from school and then starting my summer internship and work for the summer. It's something that I thought I would enjoy... boy was I wrong!

So Tuesday, I sort of unloaded my car and got all of my personal effects at my mom's house. Really didn't unpack just spent some time with her and then began moving boxes around. Did a quick Target run and that was about it. Wednesday, I spent much of the morning facebook chatting and writing letters to those I had just recently left for the summer and tried to line up plans for Thursday. Thursday I worked out in the morning and then had a job interview at American Eagle, and while at Village Pointe (for those of you non-Omahian is the large outdoor mall close to my mom's house) followed up on jobs that I had applied for earlier while home for Easter Break.

I've done my best to keep busy but I've been bored and lonely since coming home. I've spent some time with friends today but sadly my contact with the outside world has been very limited, and I'm feeling the effects. I wouldn't say I'm experiencing downright depression, but it's almost like a withdrawl. I thought I had prepared myself pretty well for a second summer at home, but perhaps I was only lying to myself.

It's always hard, coming home. It's weird, I love spending time with my family and friends here but it's like I can only take it in small doses, afraid to get too settled and see the changes that have happened since I left for school two years ago. I like skating along the surface, remembering Nebraska for what it once was and rather what it's become. Change is something that is always hard for me, and coming home from my life at school is proving to be very interesting.

It's like the Carpenter's song "Rainy Days and Mondays", nothing's really wrong. I have a great summer job lined up with the Attorney General's office and have Bakers on the side to provide income, but it just doesn't feel right. The Nebraska that I'm picturing simply isn't coming into focus the right way. The characters are on stage but their lines are all wrong and I'm desperately flipping through the script trying to catch up. I'm willing to let myself grow up and change over time, but I'm not willing to let Nebraska do the same...

So, admist this kind of gloom, I've been having a less than enjoyable Friday. I was supposed to spend the day with my eccentric Aunt in Lincoln, but that sadly fell through due to circumstances beyond our control. Leaving me with no backup plan and saddened at the loss of a day out of Omaha, I decided I should check in with Bakers to see what my hours were going to look like for the upcoming week. Sure, enough I was scheduled. But not as a Front End Supervisor. rather a Cashier and Bagger.

You're probably thinking to yourself... "Oh poor James, things aren't going your way why don't you just sit down and cry like the child you are." Believe me I agree, that's what I told myself. I guess it just kind of hurt seeing that. I mean I've worked for Bakers for 5 years and to suddenly see myself demoted and having less than desireable shifts really did hurt. There are plenty of nice, logical reasons for this aciton but my gloomy fellings made it impossible for me to accept them. It's not as though I consider those jobs beaneath me, it's just I felt as though I've done my time and shouldn't have to put up with this. I didn't come home to Nebraska to simply be a cashier again for the 5th summer in a row...

With nothing better to do I decided to throw a pity party for myself and let myself mourn the loss of "the summer" that I had envisioned for myself. Should I have stayed up at school this summer? Right now I would say yes. I feel so alone and depressed it hurts to think of what could have been had I stayed. Of course though, the grass always is greener and the world is always full of "if onlys". This afternoon I applied to jobs all over Omaha, as well as apply to several up in Fargo/Moorhead.

You're probably thinking, James you're over reacting. And you're probably right. I guess just thinking of the possibility of returning back to the tundra in June was something that I needed to lift my spirits.

What have I learned from this experience? Part one, I have too much time on my hands. Part two, I need to stop being overly dramatic. Things will get better and I can't just keep being a "sunshine patriot" and freaking out over every bump in the road. What would life be without adversity? Additionally, it's quite pathetic that I can't deal with free time. I need to work on this and find ways to keep myself better occupied.

At the same time though, I realize that there is something to be said about going with one's "gut-reaction". I'm miserable, and have had this saddness in the back of my head for almost a month now. Coming home to a broken family isn't easy, and finding that old friends have moved on and forgotten about you truly is hard. It feels as though someone has died, and coming home is just a reminder of the loss of the person who has died. Am I the only one who has gone through this? Of course no. Do I feel all alone? You bet.

The events of this past year have taught me to grow a lot in my faith, and there is something to be said about God having a plan for everyone. Does God want me in Nebraska this summer, spending time with my family? Perhaps. Do my constant pangs of regret and saddness for leaving Fargo/Moorhead show that maybe God wants me up North for the summer? Perhaps as well.

A wise man once said... "there are always possibilities". Probably the most difficult thing for me is realizing that I'm not fully in the driver's seat with this one. I can apply for jobs but it doesn't mean I'll get them. I can beg my supervisor at Bakers for more hours but she still might cut them in June.


Will things get better on Monday once I'm busy? I hope so.
We'll wait and see. I'll keep you posted.

Going to see some friends tonight shortly... perhaps they will provide the mental distraciton I desperately need.